What Happens to the Hole When the Cheese Is Gone?

I failed to mention in my previous entry that my father’s alcoholic diabetes was diagnosed three years ago, but my Mom didn’t tell me until this month.  I didn’t ask her why she waited so long to tell me, I knew she had her reasons.  Ginger asked me if his disease happened later in life; the truth is, it has been going on for 30 years.  Mom has never done anything about it up to this point.  I don’t know what I’m feeling, or what I should feel.  This situation, coupled with my marital situation, has actually caused me to be numb.  I do know I don’t want to go to visit him over the Christmas break.  I also know the situation is damaging my Mom.  Were I to go home now, I would kick his fucking ass and throw his booze in the trash.  I want to ask him, "Who are you and where is my Dad?"  Mom is attempting to care for an elderly mother with brain damage and an alcoholic husband, with her only son 200 miles away.  Welcome to retirement, don’t you miss working?  I love her, but J has the bedside manner of Atila the Hun.  When I need someone to listen, she passes judgment.  When I want advice, she passes judgment.  She really does not know how to deal with people in need.  I can’t talk to most of my friends, because they don’t want anything interfering with their own baggage.  So now what the fuck do I do?