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I made a decision, I told bryan today that this is it… if things dont change I am leaving him.  I know I have thought it before, but this is the first time I have really thought out the steps I would need to take.  What is really wrong… can we fix it… will a patch job do the trick for the time being… all of these quesitons and I am starting to find the answers.  housekeeping and childcare devisions need to be talked out.  Future plans need to be talked about.  hopes and dreams need to be discussed.  I cant be his reason for moving forward… I just cant.  I can be a helpmate, someone who can ballence out the bad, but I cant be his only reason for living… he needs to bring something from inside of himself as well.  Is this selfish of me? Maybe, but I cant continue to live like this, I am not happy, hes not happy, its not a good situation for soren either.  I am sure we can hold it together through chirstmas, but when we come back? Thats when i expect things to change again. To go back to the way they were.  and it saddens me that I forsee that, but this is it, I have done all that I can and if it does happen, well I will be sad, and unhappy, but I will know I did my best for it.  I honestly hope it doesnt happen that way, I want things to change and stay changed, and I cant be the only one to change… so we shall see. I will meet him in the middle if he will try…