This is What We Waited For

I sit on the back porch on a Saturday morning, my feet propped up on the patio table, a cool late summer breeze bringing with the fresh smell of earth and woods and a hint of ripening wheat from the fields that are just starting to turn.

My barefoot three-year-old plays in the backyard–still un-landscaped and full of weeds and dirt–but that’s what makes it perfect for him.  He lines up his trucks, he scoops sand and hauls it back and forth, making a small village and construction site with his incredible little imagination.  I find it almost impossible to believe he was just a baby only a couple years ago. 

My actual baby sits in his high chair next to me.  It’s the high chair we bring out from the kitchen almost every day so we can eat outdoors, and he eats puffs and little crunchies with his sticky fingers and babbles to himself.  He’s still in his pajamas, those fuzzy ones with the footies that he’s rapidly growing out of.  At nine months old he’s almost walking now.  He stands for a few seconds on his own, but if you give him one of those walker toys or a shopping cart, he’ll be across the room in no time.  I love how he is so totally different from Wesley but also the same in a lot of ways.  

Nathan is home for the summer (what’s left of it–I can already feel fall in the air even though it’s supposed to be back in the 80s this week), and although he’s been sneaking in a couple fishing trips and rounds of golf, I am so thankful to have a husband who has worked hard to create this life for us.  I still cannot believe I get to wake up every day with these precious boys in this beautiful house on this beautiful farm.  All those years we dreamed and planned, the ups and downs, disappointments and setbacks… it finally came true.  And now we get to live the rest of our lives enjoying it, improving it, and maybe even adding to our family someday. 

I love the big picture and I love the every day, too.  There are simple fun house projects on the horizon (hanging new picture frames and painting an old mirror and putting up shelves–finalizing some decorating and organization!) and I’m looking forward to the week, despite somehow booking NINE photo sessions (you’d think I’d LEARN!) but I took the following week off to catch up so I’m not putting any pressure on myself.  I’m going to try and enjoy myself more and get back into the groove and enjoyment of photography instead of dreading it.

There are many days I just sit back and think, we’ve MADE it.  In our own little world, our own small town, we’ve made it.  We are settled, we are happy, and we absolutely could not ask for more.  I look forward to every day, doing things with my kids, watching them grow, enjoying this place.  Sure, we have our moments too, and not everything is always perfect.  We struggle at times, we cry, we fight, we yell.  But we also love, we laugh, we hug, and we enjoy.  And right now, the former is a lot less than the latter.  As long as that pattern holds true for the rest of my life, I’ll be a satisfied girl. 

It makes me want to never turn on the news some days.  I feel selfish sometimes, like, how did we deserve this?  Not only do we have this blessed life, but we have a blessed family.  I know I’ve written about it before, but there truly was a bigger force at work when despite my world travels and craziness in my 20s, I still ended up with a farmer boy from my hometown and we settled back amongst our whole family.  Being surrounded by family is the most incredible gift you could ever ask for.  I truly believe it is the way life was supposed to be lived.  You are constantly supported and surrounded and loved.  Whether it be child care (kids going to any number of grandparents houses on any given week) or the fact that my sweet grandfather, who is still alive and healthy in his 80s, came over yesterday and spent 3 hours hanging up shelves for me.  He also installed our baby gate, painted my front porch swing, and fixes anything I ask.  He’s the kind of guy who loves doing stuff like that, and I truly believe keeping him busy keeps him young, and as long as he has a project or someone to help, he’ll be with us for the long haul.  Sometimes I just try to think up things for him to help me with!

I think no matter what happens in the future, I want to remember these days.  When everything lined up, everything settled down, everything made sense.  Because I remember when it didn’t.  And for some reason, getting that perspective makes it that much sweeter. I want it to continue like this, I want to continue to look forward to this life, and to know it really WAS worth waiting for…