Great change..

I wake at 4 am these days. I don’t know why and I don’t question it. I sit in my living room in my little brick house likely for the last December I will spend here. A lovely low mournful wind blows somewhere nearby. I will miss my windows and the coziness of here.

Life has changed. Drastically. My husband was laid off in early November. He still does not have a job but he had a very hopeful interview with a business in Chicago. So..we’ll be moving. Chicago isn’t as drastic a change as San Francisco where a business had briefly taken an interest in him. Seattle is still a distant possibility. It all means change though. There are no jobs here in this sad little burg. Some of it I will miss. Much of it I won’t. I am both exhilarated and terrified. I am a much later bloomer than I ever thought in my earlier life. Most people make sweeping changes like this in their 20’s or 30’s. Not so much approaching 50. I am hoping I am up to the challenge.

48 years living in the Midwest, in Illinois and I finally experienced a tornado.  And I never wish to again. The gods were laughing at me I think. We lost our health coverage on the 15th of November for a bit more than a week.  Two days later, a tornado swept through my neighborhood teasingly a half block from my house. Whole hundred year old trees were torn from the ground. Telephone poles smashed cars and roofs. The only thing to happen in my yard was a few fake pumpkins toppled over and a string of lights from last Christmas was ripped from the gutter. That’s all. It happened so quickly! Someone described the passage of the tornado as standing by the side of the freeway and experiencing a car whoosh past at 90 miles an hour. There and gone! I’d barely made it down the basement stairs with my panicking 4 year old in tow. A big chilled wind whooshed through the dog door and propelled us down the stairs. Then it was gone. I am deeply sorry for my neighbors who lost homes and vehicles and large gorgeous trees. Luckily only a very few lost their lives or loved ones.

My mother continues to deteriorate. Her broken arm refuses to heal. She sits much and too long in her recliner at home abusing alcohol and pain pills. Over the holiday weekend, she fell and chipped a bone in her hip. She is being admitted to a rehab facility and then onto assisted living or a nursing home. She cannot live alone anymore. Leaving her will be difficult. No, the obligation to leave her will be difficult. I’ve never been close to her and never felt more than fealty and a weak blood tie. Little love or affection. She is my mother. She has cancer. I don’t wish pain or death to her. I will do all necessary to make sure she is cared for. I think my mother will rally somewhat if she is around people more, peers of her own age. I hope she will find some warmth and kinship in her final days.

My tribulations are far from over, it seems. The same day my husband is away interviewing, I called the daycare to tell them a sitter might be picking up my youngest (since I was also on call at my work and might not be able to leave on time)…only to be informed my three year old had head lice. Lice. Lice!! *shiver and scratch* So, in addition to leaving late on a dark foggy night to drive 2o miles home to pick up 2 little boys at to separate schools, I also had to rush to a Walgreen’s to pick up lice shampoo. And one can only imagine the Armageddon of trying to treat 2 cranky unhappy squalling screaming children with toxic chemicals and lots of warm water and no help. An hour of total chaos and battle ensued with me scrubbing, stripping, laundering, and barking out orders on my phone..which I somehow managed NOT to drop in either the tub or toilet only the floor a few times.  At near 7 pm, we had my husband on the phone with two very clean children in pajamas eating pepperoni  pizza and drinking chocolate milk on the couch in front of Bubble Guppies. I figured screw it concerning a healthy home cooked meal and opted for pizza delivery instead. The boys were exceptionally cooperative at their 8 o’ clock bedtime and teeth were brushed with no opposition at all. All was dim and quiet by 8:15 pm. Including me.

You can imagine I will be not asking "what next". Now I want only to hear my husband is once again gainfully employed so we can go on to somewhat and cautiously enjoy the holiday.

More big changes to come. The changes continue and continue..