Papa day..

Some bad times in my head. Not all days and not all times but I find myself shying away from writing. Need something. Meditation, supplements, exercise. Something.

I hope I made a good Father’s Day for my sons and their father. I am misguided in many things but not in picking poor father material for my children. I asked Frank to pick a gift, a useful wanted one and he chose a specific hammer drill. The boys enjoyed the trip to Menard’s to buy it (in spite of a minor injury to Q’s finger which somehow got caught under the shopping cart wheel, ouch!). After going home and calming Q down and bandaging the injury, I packed the boys back up and we went to the grocery store for flowers, wrapping paper and a card….and lots of donuts! The boys also insisted on buying Papa a Menard’s baseball cap. We walked by a pile of them at Menard’s and one of the boys KNEW Papa needed one. So I bought one. Of course.

I think Frank enjoyed the day. He puttered around the house and hung some of the baseboards. Worked some downstairs. I puttered around the house as well once the boys lay down for their naps. I napped lightly myself and listened to the crazed chatter in my own head. Meditation does help. Later I went to the store for dinner provisions. By myself..which makes things so much easier. We had steak on the grill, fresh steamed green beans, homemade garlic mashed cheddar potatoes and salad. Frank’s favorite coconut cream pie for dessert. While I cleaned up after dinner, the boys piled on his lap and they all sleepily watched Team Umizoomi on tv. He hugged me and said he really enjoyed his day. I wanted him to.

I am detached. I know it. Maybe I need to be right now.