A Bit of Introspection

The usual italian Phrase of the Day will come later. This morning I want to write about something I read on Weesprite’s diary. She was talking about a book she is reading — Eastern Body/Western Mind: Psychology and the Chakra System as a Path to Self by Anodea Judith This author said that we should stop and consider this question. "What would I do if there were nothing I ‘should’ be doing?"

Reading this shot me right back to my life a few years ago. At that time, I defined myself by my children "I am a mother" and by my job "I am a teacher." And then, suddenly within a period of a few months, I retired from teaching and my younger son left home. And I had no idea who I was. Sure, I was still a mother but my children no longer needed me every waking moment. And I held on to teaching for a while by being a substitute but basically I can tell you, I just about came apart.

Depression, the real stuff — not just the blues, reached out and grabbed me. I retreated into a wine bottle and some relationships which I look back on now with amazement and wonder how could I have done those things and put up with being treated like that? Well, I am not going to delve any further into that. With help from two good friends and a couple of excellent talk-therapists, antidepressant medication and a lot of work on my part, I came out of that time with relatively little damage.

So, the bottom line. What DO I do — because at this time of my life, there IS nothing I should be doing?

I am a little surprised and somewhat pleased with myself to realize that what I do is I learn!

I absolutely LOVE to learn. I am digging a little deeper into Italian these days than I did the first semester and I notice I get the excited butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling when it is time to do the work. No one is forcing me to do this during the holidays–I am doing it because I am enjoying it! And that is amazing in itself! I don’t ever think of giving up permanently when I get to something confusing. {Some day I will use Italian prepositions without agonizing over every one! } I just think, "Hmmm, I need more practice with this" but I don’t, as I used to do, metaphorically throw up my hands, whine that it is too difficult and give up completely.

Well, enough of this introspection. I will be back anon with an account of my wildly exciting day!

We have SNOW!!!!!

Until later….

Wow, I guess I never realized that you battle depression like me. Kudos to you for beating it or at least beating it most days! *hugs*

And this entry, right here, is why I admire you so much!!

That excited feeling is wonderful and the real tip-off to what is good for us. I’ll be back forthwith (to match your ‘anon’:) to read the account of your wildly exciting day.

gray tabby

January 10, 2007

a lot of snow? blake is so looking forward to snow here! sometimes, i sit and ask myself who i am. and about all i can come up with is blake’s grandmother. for now, that is good enough. take care,

Lily47

I love to keep learning, too. Taking an art or writing course is my favourite kind of vacation. Once retired, I hope to do plenty of this. Good for you!

TheWoodsprite

You are someone I admire so much, because you overcame a lot and became so REBORN….all after retiring….and I love to tell people that this can happen at ANY age, and you are an example I give. I like knowing that people can and do keep growing and changing and finding new things to enjoy. I thought it so….but then, I see it is so, through you. I also went through a time like you described, only it was when the kids were still home, but had just reached a point where they were busy with friends and activities and no longer needed me all the time. I plunged into a serious midlife crisis and did things that now, I too look back and think “HOW could I have done THAT??!!” oh dear. I should’ve been wearing a disguise when I did some of ’em so people wouldn’t have known it was me! :o) !! But out of the dark times comes light! We can celebrate, and we do!! :o) !! hugs, Weesprite

I find it a really strange feeling – learning when I don’t have to. 🙂 It works well though.

Even though we’ve only just “met,” I find this entry inspiring. I have struggled with depression since the death of my only child. Like you, my life was defined as being a mother, first, and my career was second. Now I’m a mother without a child and my career is now part-time. I leave this little box with hope. Thank yoU.

momof2boys2

I am running into that with our older son leaving for college in the fall. I find I am missing him already. I feel like my job is almost done as a mom. Hopefully he will keep in touch with me (ALOT)! I am really going to miss him and hope it doesn’t stir up depression. I like to work part-time but some days it doesn’t feel like enough. I really don’t want to go full time and feel overwhelmed

raeven

I remember when I first started reading you.. I think you were 68?.. and you were so excited about photography and you posted awesome pictures that you were taking for your class… you also talked of bike riding.. I remember thinking and admiring that you have more gumption for life at that age than I did at the time and I was so inspired by you.. and I still am. You are one cool chick.

Lucky Lady

Snow, at last, cool for you. The wind has come up here so our snow is evaprating once again. I love it when the trees are loaded with snow & so beautiful, then the wind comes up & blows & knocks it all off. Darn. Am I remembering right? Do you have a trip planned to Italy this year? Let me know.

Nice entry!!! It’s always fun getting to know the person behind the diary…

lifelong learning will help keep you young, Bravo!

MargUK

January 20, 2007

Just catching up with your diary Patrisha and liked this very much. It’s always fascinated me how we identify ourselves by our paid work a lot of the time. I believe to learn is what we are on earth for – mainly to learn to love each other & to learn the true value of love – but also generally to keep learning right through our lives so that our spirit evolves & progresses.