The Boys in the Trees

Sometimes I am swung back to thoughts I haven’t had for years by songs that come up unexpectedly on the IPod. Yesterday it was "Boys in the Trees" written and sung by Carly Simon.

I’m home again in my old narrow bed
Where I grew tall and my feet hung over the end
The low beam room with the window looking out
On the soft summer garden
Where the boys grew in the trees

 When I was a teenager {and for many years after that} I found boys and men absolutely baffling. They seemed to have  so much that I yearned for–confidence, friends, a known place in the world, the ability to deal with life… Of course, now I understand it was because I had no guidance in growing up, no role models in being a woman. Actually, no role models in being a person. I had to muddle through it on my own and, looking back now, I can see that a lot of my attachments to people who were not good for me came from this blind groping around for someone to support me–to teach me how to support myself…

Here I grew guilty
And no one was at fault
Frightened by the power in every innocent thought
And the silent understanding passing down
from daughter to daughter
Let the boys grow in the trees

Because I had no girl friends growing up, back then I was totally baffled by the interaction between boys and girls and men and women. Oh, I knew what you DIDN’T do! I knew a lot about what you didn’t do because I was back then a Good Catholic Girl with all the guilt that implies but I had no idea what you DID do to get to know these strange baffling seemingly-self-confident creatures who seemed to be able to be comfortable in their skins as I could never imagine being in mine…

Do you go to them or do you let them come to you
Do you stand in back afraid that you’ll intrude
Deny yourself and hope someone will see
And live like a flower
While the boys grew in the trees

Last night I slept in sheets the colour of fire
Tonight I lie alone again and curse my own desires
Sentenced first to burn and then to freeze
And watch by the window
Where the boys grew in the trees

When I was teaching the seventh grade, I found dealing with girls quite difficult. Oh, it was not teaching them to write. I could do that as easily as I could teach boys, but it was largely as I told them once, that I actually had no idea how it was to be a girl! They were amused by this and pointed out that I was once a girl. Yes, I was, but, as I told them at that time, I was not a normal girl with a normal upbringing. My mother was an alcoholic and actively disliked me and so basically, I was brought up by the nuns. And they were, looking back on it, NOT equipped to deal with teaching me anything above what was taught in a classroom.

I am not sure where I am going with this…

Thoughts, just thoughts…

Until later….