Thoughts
Every so often, Fred and I will be chugging along in our usual way when we will suddenly have these fascinating talks that seem to come out of nowhere.** Last night we had one of these which really got me thinking about how I have changed and where our lives are going.
Most of my life I have been controlled by other things and people. For example, I was a teacher not because *I* decided that was what I wanted to do with my life but because my father told me I would be a teacher. {He chose well because I loved it} I have always felt that I had no control over my life especially in my marriage and for many years this built a slow and simmering resentment. I had no idea how to deal with this until something happened that caused me to get a divorce. This was a frightening time both during and after the divorce because suddenly I was having to do what I thought I wanted and to take control of my life and now I had it, I was terrified.
Anyway, the point of this story is that last night while we were discussing our future move downstairs, I became sharply aware of how much I have changed. I now know myself well enough to say that I NEED order imposed from without in my life. I take classes because not only do I enjoy learning, but I am a good student and work well for an instructor. However, with the pastels, I have now reached a point where what I am doing is so interesting to me that I am going on without an instructor although I am going back to class when it starts next month. But both Pam {the instructor} and I know that I will not follow the curriculum. I will do the assignments if they are interesting to me {and, sometimes, especially if they are not because those are the ones I learn the most from} but mainly what I will do is what I want to do. She will give me suggestions and instructions which I will follow if I feel they are of value to me. I am not saying this in a oh-I-am-so-good-that-you-can’t-teach-me-anything way, but I now, finally, do trust my inner gut feelings which tell me that this is interesting, this is worthwhile for me, this is the way I should be going…
I have this trust-your-gut feeling about this move. We actually have no choice because we HAVE to move. The new owner of the building has told us he wants to live in the apartment where we are now living and thus, we have to move. When I think about how much it will cost us to live downstairs, I can easily panic but my gut is telling me this is the right move. Yes, we could find somewhere cheaper. There are four subsidized buildings for older people and handicapped people in our community alone. But this apartments is ideal for us in so many ways that we have to give it a shot. My thought is if we find we cannot financially make it, ok, then we will start looking for subsidized apartments. Fred made the phone calls and we have a packet of paperwork which tells us what to do. To live downstairs, we will have to metaphorically tighten our belts a bit but it IS doable.
So, sometime during the next couple of months, a little bit at a time, we will do it….
** and this, of course, is one of the many reasons I love him and why he is still so interesting to me even after seven years!
I’m glad you are feeling better about the situation. You are right though. You can always find a less expensive place later after giving this plan a go-round first, if it doesn’t work out.
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Trusting your instincts = wisdom, and it is the reason I admire you so much. You are a wonderful role model for who I want to be. Subsidized housing is a nightmare to be avoided at all costs. I am happy that you have a choice and are choosing it. That you two are so cute together makes me very happy and gives me hope in a personal sense. Keep it up, love birds!
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gut instinct is everything. I know exactly how you feel, Patrisha. I call it taking a chance….and having results far more wonderful than you could imagine 🙂
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It is so wonderful that you are making decisions for yourself and not letting others dictate always. And I hope the apartment works out. Sometimes, I have gotten perturbed in my life when things didn’t work out exactly as planned, but the alternative has usually worked out much more pleasantly in the end than the original choice. I wish this for you on this move.
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What a lovely entry to read first thing in the morning… You have such wisdom. Many blessings on your move.
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I kind of think a move downstairs may be good, Patrisha. Having to do stairs is a problem as we age, so I like it that you will be ground level. Is it a lot more money? I know I haven’t been keeping up here, so I don’t know. But I agree with your gut feeling of staying where you are, in that building. And I love that you are trusting your feelings! Anna
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This is such a fascinating look into you! And it also makes me pause to wonder more about me…. how I feel about “order imposed from without.” It’s a new angle to look at people from! Thanks! And I hope you have a lovely day! hugs, Weesprite
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I’m hoping that some day, when I’m a grown-up, that I’ll be able to cope with unstructured things the way you do. At this point, all I feel is anxiety. Yes, go with your gut instincts. It will be interesting to see what the future holds.
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This entry is one of the reasons I like the OD. Sprinkled in with everyday happenings are things like shared revelations and insight. I find it fascinating how some days I can have this with myself while other days…. Glad to hear about the decision being made. See you in a few weeks.
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it is interesting how much extra money we really do have every month when we begin to watch how we spend it. i recently learned i am going to have to pay $300.00 for a prescription drug (brand name) every month. i thought how in the world am i going to do this? but i am. funny how that works, isn’t it. you are inspiring me to take an art class. pastels are so beautiful!
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Interesting thoughts…
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When you have a relationship with the right man it never gets boring.
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I saw your note on Jeneveve’s diary, and wondered why it is anti female to dress in a way that is respectable not only to yourself, but to others?
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Sounds like you’re living life for you, and that’s a wonderful thing!
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Thank you for stopping by. I can only say in response to your note that there must be an honest misunderstanding, as the intention was to be supporitive and respectful of females as a glorious creation of God…..
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First off, I think the entry was about women, so obviously men aren’t going to be discussed. And I doubt the Catholic church approves of men wearing see through/sheer clothing, clothing that shows their pecs or things like that. And I’m pretty positive most men don’t wear sleeveless shirts to church, if they did, they would be really out of place.
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So is showing breasts and tummies more respectful to women? If I wear a mini skirt am I not just making myself an object of lust, that is in itself anti feministic.
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It is great that you have control over your life. Sometimes i wonder if i do with mine. LOL I know what it is like to want a place enough to risk paying more for it. Art is an expresstion of our selves. So you will know what will work for you. Fred sounds like a wonderful man. Thank you for sharing this with us!!!
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Too many people NEVER learn to trust their gut feelings.. I do, and I’m not usually sorry. I figure I choose the path that feels “right”. If it’s an error in judgement I can always backtrack and go a different way, so why not? I’ve gotten to lots of interesting places I’d not planned on that way… and they’re the most fun! Love to you! ~M
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{{Hugs}}, 🙂
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I’m glad you and Fred were able to talk! That does help so – even in the most open and honest of relationships! ryn: I’m shocked over this spider plant! It’s amazing! I’ve never seen anything like it in my life! LOL…I’d send you some babies but…they are not allowed over state lines.
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btw: what in the world is that profile pic? I must be in some other space. Vista Way
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🙂 do trust your gut. i did the same at xmas when i re expensive room that was much further away. i was quite scared but i’ve had the best time ever. i moved schools just after i moved house with the consequence that i actually lived the same distance but with the advantage of having no traffic. and i got to live in a beautiful part of the country that i wouldn’t have seen at all if i hadn’t
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trusted my gut. i even got tolive amongst the flowering orchards. it was beautiful.
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