Patrisha

March 31, 2005

Thoughts

In 1963 my first son was born. Twenty years and fifty-one weeks later my second child, also a boy, came along. So you can see why I occasionally refer to this as “raising two only children.”

Having a baby at 43 years old is not what I had planned as you can well imagine. I went to the doctor honestly thinking I was perhaps beginning menopause a little early only to be told I was three months pregnant. I remember I came out of the doctor’s office into my car and sat there half laughing and half crying!

It is an interesting experience having a child this late in life. I was too tired most of the time to do anything that wasn’t essential with this second child. Toilet training, for example, was something I didn’t bother about. I decided if the kid was still wearing diapers when it was time for college, then I would be concerned. My doctor at the time told me I was doing the right thing. “When he is ready, he will do it himself, ” he said. And he was, of course, correct. At the age of two-and-a-half, the kid trained himself and within a week was totally dry. Night times took a little longer but not much longer because he really wanted not to have to wear a diaper and so he worked had at using the potty before bedtime and getting up during the night if he needed to. One funny thing I remember about this time is that often when he got up in the night, he was too sleepy to get back into his bed so he would lie on the carpeted floor and go right back to sleep again.

Because the boys were so far apart in age, even to this day, and sadly, I think, they are not close. The older one moved out when the baby was 18 months and by the time the younger one was three, the older one was married and the father of the first of his two sons.

I was fortunate that my mother-in-law, a very sweet lady, was happy to look after the younger child while I was teaching. She lived very close and it was with very little difficulty we dropped him off in the morning and picked him up in the afternoon. We paid her for this but I think she would have taken him anyway. He was her thirteenth and youngest grandchild and there was a ten-year gap between him and the grandchild that came before him. His grandfather doted on him and I was thrilled he had this great relationship with his grandparents because I had never known mine.

One really important thing that came out of the birth of this child so late in my life is that I finally got the courage to get a divorce. I had stayed for the sake of the older child but when this one came along, I gradually realized that I could NOT stay in this relationship for another 18 years. So, by the time the younger child was six, his father and I were divorced. This has ultimately proved to be a Good Thing for both of us –although traumatic at the time–since he married a very nice woman {who liked his son} and I remained single and am now living with a kind, considerate man whom I love a lot.

Until later…

i am so glad you wrote this. =) I feel like i know you a lot better.

roseyrays

April 1, 2005

It is often when we take the greatest chances, or the most diffult paths, that our life, becomes more forfilling. Your are a very inspiring woman. Best Wishes

Shi

Kelleyanne

Found this via random. This was very good. My mother’s family is a little like this. From 1950 until 1957, the first five children were born. Then in 1964, 1965, and 1968 the last three were born. My mother calls them the second family…which is what they kind of were. I always found it intriging that there was 18 years between the oldest and the youngest. ~K~

Lilly Lou

I found you on the front page, then I had to read how you and Fred met. Wonderful story! I have added you to my favorites. Growing up in a step-ladder house~three different families,7 total children born from 1959-1966 skipping only 1962 because that brother was two when he died~the age difference amazes me.

Wow. You did raise two only children. Thanks for writing this.

Issued Puppet

What a lovely story! I never thought I would have a child, and had Owen when I was 37. I think I would have a brood had I started younger. I think with age comes wisdom, and we realize that out children are precious gifts.

mid

I can’t even imagine having a baby at age 43. I read an article not to long ago about the oldest woman to give birth. She was in her 60s. The worst part: it was done by articial insemination. She palnned it !!!!

I think that’s a neat story.

raeven

🙂 It must have been so odd to have kids so far apart in age. I really admire that you got a divorce… that couldn’t have been easy.

Flyte

Interesting. Thanks for sharing.

TheWoodsprite

That is very interesting…raising two children so far apart in ages. There’s 18 years separating me from my oldest sister, also, but there were two siblings in-between us. It is wonderful that your youngest got such a good, close relationship with wonderful grandparents. Wonderful, too, that the birth of your second child gave you the “oomph” to get that divorce. Thanks for sharing! hugs,

Sunshine Wolf

Hmmmmmmmmmm. Pretty sure I’d have been suicidal after the doc told me I was pregnant at that age! Good for you though! Teachers have a lot of CLASS!!! heh

Little Runner

That is one fear I sort of have is that I will some how get pregnant now. I am 43 and my oldest today is 20. Peec is very jealous of his brother and sister. They are such different people then he is. He bugged his little brother yesterday and imbarassed him. I feel bad for Cedric he is so accepting of his older brother, but he did get mad yesterday. Jewel isn’t as nice as Cedric

There is ten years between Peec and Jewel and she will kick Peec if he bugs her. It seems like they all are nit picking lately. Peec was an only child for a while, but it feels like he still is, he wants all the attention and strokes, he has a really hard time sharing.

momof2boys2

Wow I had no idea your children were so far apart in age. Lately I have been having nighmares that I find out I am pregnant. I would be devestaded, I feel that part of my life is done and I want to move on. Then I hear about other women giving birth into their 40’s. I feel I do have more energy now than I did when my children were small. I think I will just wait for grandchildren.

Lily47

There are 7 years between my kids. So only one “baby” at a time. That worked very well. I was almost 40 when the 2nd was born and I can’t exactly recommend that. But they do have a good relationship now (it went thru a rocky period when my son was in a nasty phase).

Wow, I didn’t know this about you 🙂 I cannot imagine having a child at my age! You have more energy than most people half your age:) I know I don’t note often but I read..and read and read 🙂

I had Mark when I was 44 and my daughters were 20 and 23. So, I can relate to this. I DID fuss about potty training, though. With the girls it was a snap, but with Mark not so easy. One day he just decided to ‘go with the flow’ (pun intended) and he trained himself. I should have been like you and not worried about it.

Telynor

bipolar_borderline

April 2, 2005

That’s an amazing story.

MargUK

April 4, 2005

Thanks for explaining all that – it’s nice to get an insight into a bit more of your life. It’s a shame the boys are not close but then it’s a huge gap – and especially when the older one moved out when the younger one was so little – it would have been hard to form a bond when there were so many years between them.