Follow-up Thoughts served with Mosquitoes

“It’s apparent that years later it has stuck with you…” a true comment from a reader about my entries on being a girl. Y’know, the really odd thing about this is that I thought I had moved past it, but it is obvious {even to me, and I am always the last to know what is going on inside me} that I am not over it. But, for a while, I need to leave it alone.

I am incredibly tired today. I went to sleep normally {which for me means around 11 pm and with no sleep aid} but was woken up with twitching in my legs {restless leg syndrome..learn more at http://www.rls.org}. I got up and walked around this tiny apartment a few times which usually helps, turned on my computer and distracted myself which usually helps but last night nothing helped. So, I gave in and took a Klonopin about 4 am.

I was given this prescription for Klonopin to help with the rls but was told emphatically how addictive it is and to be aware of how much I am taking. I really hate taking it after 10 pm because I am so groggy the next day, and that is how I have been today. I got up at 9 am which is very late for me since I normally see the sun rise {I am a morning person}, went back to bed at noon and slept until 3 pm.

And I am itching from mosquito bites. My partner called me out on the balcony to see the fireflies last night {there had just been an article in the paper about them} and in the course of the less than 5 minutes I was out there, I got bitten many many times. Now, two years ago, this would have been only a minor problem. But since the radiation therapy last year, I think my body chemistry has changed. Now I swell up alarmingly and itch like crazy for a couple of days. I have learned to try not to scratch because if I do, it is infinitely worse and I do take an antihistamine immediately and apply a topical lotion both of which help, but, nevertheless, today I have two or three areas where I obviously scratched in my sleep. So, there is swelling, there will be a bruise and a brown patch left on my skin for a week or so…

Bah!

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September 22, 2002

I do not agree, I think you should talk about the abuse from your mother. Resentment does not go away with time. I seems to grow and spread until it spills over into the other relationships in your life.

September 22, 2002

Correction: Resentment does not go away with time. It seems to grow until it spills over into other relationships in your life.