Change from within

I think I’m finally starting to appreciate the fact that my family and I live in this place (undisclosed location.) I used to really resent that my parents found their jobs and decided to settle here for the meantime. A few days after I arrived here from the Philippines about 3 months ago, my "disgust" for this place has stemmed. I couldn’t stand living in a desert in "the middle of nowhere." Even though it’s a city with more than a hundred thousand people with stores and establishments that provide our basic needs, I still was hesitant to give this place a chance, especially when we’ll visit other places and I’ll see how much I would love to be living there instead. This place to me was so far from the big city and it’s all flat, brown and dusty. There’s nothing here that would satisfy a young adult.

But I’ve realized that I was being a bratty immature a**hole. I’m such a spoiled ingrate to be demanding to my parents where we would live when they’ve done everything in their part to support me and make me happy. I couldn’t sleep during most nights and it’s not just because I’m being haunted by my dislike of being in this place (well not anymore), it’s because I’m realizing how bad I’ve been and how stupid I am to still be acting this way when I’m already an adult. Haven’t I learned enough how to not be a complaining blabber mouth? And how much do my parents have to sacrifice and do for me to know that I have no right to complain to them? My friends and family have been telling me how blessed I am to have parents like them but I’m just such a stupid ungrateful bad girl to not think about it and be grateful.

I know that putting myself in a bad mood infront of my parents is not doing anyone and anything good. It only ruins everything. It hurts my parents and it hurts me to know that I’m hurting them. It just disgusts me to think that I’ve acted in such a bad way. I really really hate myself. I want to punish myself for every hurting word that came out of my filthy mouth and attacked my parents. I want to disable myself in doing this ever again. I feel like such an idiot for not knowing enough to not be like the way I’ve been. I should have known better, a lot better. But instead, I was back to zero – I am still the same old bad spoiled person that I was several years ago. I’ve turned out into something I loathed.

So lately I’ve decided to demolish my evil piece of mind and do the right thing. I will no longer be in a bad mood and I will treat my parents well, just as they deserve. (I’ve been telling myself to do this for the nth time before but I keep coming back to my old bad ways. But now this is just it!) And about this place? I know better that it’s not as bad as how I thought it is. In fact, it’s a peaceful place, away from the hustle and bustle of the intoxicating big city. It’s got lots of nice big houses with much more room for space for reasonable prices, unlike the ones near the big city where it’s so impractical when it comes to buying a house. You get so little space yet the price is so expensive, it’s crazy. All because of the "location." I’m not saying I’m completely against it since I myself would like to be near the big city and in a nice location. But when you really think about it, it’s really not that worth it. So the plan is I will let my parents decide where they want to buy a house; I will never get in their way. I have no right and they’re doing the right thing. They told me that they will let me live wherever I want when I can work already and I’ll just come home to be with them during the weekends or whenever I have no work or feel like coming home. It’s just perfect. I don’t know what the heck I was fussing about.

Today even made me more appreciative of this place. I finally met and got to know new people here. My mother introduced me to her new friend from work. She and I are in the same age range and she has offered to take me to places and such. 🙂 We also met the 3 sons of my mother’s other friend from work. They’re also from the Philippines and have just settled here recently. They’re all guys who are in our age range. They all seem really nice and easy to get along with. Finally! Thank you, God!! So today we all met. We went to their houses which are all new, nice and big, planned what we’re going to do in the weekends, talked about some stuff and I actually had quite some fun. 😉 We all came from different parts of the Philippine Islands, so we talk trilingually. It’s easy and fun. Makes us prouder to be Pinoys.

Bright sunny days ahead in this new place are finally visible in the horizon. Such a big difference it makes when you do the right thing and have a positive attitude, instead of just complaining and feeling bad. You’ll only be wasting your time and you’re doing good to no one, not even yourself.