A little motivation…

…would be nice. Its much easier to enjoy sitting and reading research when its on my own time, but when I have to do it to meet a course deadline or to write a paper I seem to lose the ability to break it down into manageable chunks that I can work at over the course of the days between assignments. Of course, this means I’ve become terrible at being a procrastinator, most especially since taking the faculty prof shortage enforced 8 month break between my last course in Winter 09 until my current second to last course in Winter 10. The work itself isn’t hard- my grades are good, albeit not reaching the potential I could reach, were I able to fully commit to doing the work.

Maybe that’s the root of this unease. After all, the area of work is interesting- I enjoy doing it once I get into the readings, I love working in clinical settings and getting that sense of accomplishment when I can actually execute the skills I’ve been working to learn as a novice, let alone the future goal of mastering those skills with higher proficiency. Still, I’m not just a student. I’m also working close to full time at 35 hours a week, not including school the research job or clinical hours… maybe I’m just spread too thin in what I have to do to pay the bills and live in the current RN world to be able to focus on what I have to do to make that transition into the NP world. I think that makes some sense.

Jack won’t be going to Haiti, we heard the other day. This is good, in that he will be home before April. Bad in that, there are a lot of people there helping out and I know he would have felt a sense of purpose in being there. Alas, it seems the Vancouver Olympics will have his securing presence instead. On an interesting note, the job posting he may be taking next is getting more interesting, at least from an academic perspective. Jack didn’t want the job, he wanted to be a flying instructor, however the military still dictates his career moves for at least another 5 years so to this technical job he goes. It used to be a one year course, followed by a two to three year job. Now it looks as though he may get to turn the course into a Master’s, with a bit more work. They are ironing out the accrediation aspects- maybe it will be similar to business admin/project managment degree? Not sure. Anyways, I’m glad that he may get something official for the year off of flying since it wasn’t really his choice to go that route in the first place, might as well have something on paper to make the time away from flying worth more in a sense. Not to mention, once he’s served his time a masters degree in anything, with a bachelor in aerospace engineering and the flight hours in helicopter that he already has means he’ll be more likely to get an equivalent salary for experience down the road. Interesting, how these opportunities can arise even when someone isn’t necessarily going out of their way to find them!

On a hormone front, I don’t feel any different except to say that I have cried twice since I stopped taking BC three weeks ago. Not usual for me. Little cries, just some tears at the corners of my eyes- once to a sad movie scene, and once when I was telling Jack that I missed him over the phone, as it reminded me of how it felt when he was in Afghanistan… (I don’t think he noticed). I don’t worry about his life more than the usual amount of worry but still, phone calls at odd hours still get my heart into my throat. Perhaps I’m just more aware of our own mortality, for really, we could all go at any time blah blah blah have to enjoy the present… but sometimes, I really wish his job didn’t take him away for weeks at a time.

Its going to be interesting to see what it will be like when we start a family. Will I be a 50% single parent (in terms of physical presence, I mean), or will Jack be working on his masters, and we’ll have those precious early days as a family of three or more together, instead of apart?

Points to ponder.

FGirl