Full heart, empty arms #4

 This weeks’ newspaper column.

FGirl

Closing Ranks
 
This week marks a new way of conceptualizing the remaining time I will be without Jack while he is on this tour: we have reached the halfway point, a milestone that I really thought would have come sooner. Of course, Jack’s return date remains a vague point in time, a fictitious date that one can neither plan for nor count down the days standing in the way of a chance to have him home again.
 
The nature of time has changed for me during this deployment. Where time used to race by, used towards work, school and friends, lately time has taken on new characteristics. Were time played out as music, I would have to say the sounds of many different instruments mark its passing. Although the time available to complete papers and assignments remains in short supply, quick and frenzied like a rapidly timed violin performance, the time spent thinking about the days to go before Jack’s return has a slower, monotonous oboe-like tone to it. Time with friends is more upbeat yet mellow, a calming jazz saxophone that creates melodies of movie nights spent on couches, coupled with philosophical discussions of life and love.
 
Family and friends create highlights through the simplest of interactions; the comforting rasp of the wooden flute of my ancestors accompanies these moments. I’ve been fortunate enough to be in contact via telephone, webcam, chatting and in person with people who truly care about myself and about Jack. The efforts of our parents to reach out to both of us through letters, phone calls and picture exchanges remind us that while our home base may be in Edmonton, many kilometers from our families in Ontario, that the distance between us is merely geographical, for we all aren’t far from each other’s thoughts.
 
On a day when I’m feeling really lonely, hearing the long low notes of winter’s song in my head, the little touches that show we are all connected and connecting with one another bring comfort and peace of mind. We may be waiting with baited breath for Jack’s return, but we aren’t alone in our waiting. We’re sharing stories; we’re updating each other on the joys in our lives and building the ties that bind family members together.
 
Jack may be far away from our arms and eyes, but he remains close to our hearts and minds. He links us to one another and brings us together even when he’s not able to be here with us during these few months. I wouldn’t wish for this time away, but I can’t say that it has all been melancholy and moodiness in his absence either. He may have thought he was leaving his family behind, but I think we have been able to join him in our own ways along the way. Hopefully time in the next half of the tour will go by quickly, so that Jack can return to us for the start of spring and the chance to continue writing new songs together.