The small things that relieve big things

Growing up, there was a lesbian couple that lived about 4 houses down from us.  We lived on a dead-end road on the corner.  Everybody who lived on our street had to drive by our house, so we would see the couple comming and going.

We knew all of our neighbors, except them.  In fact nobody really knew them at all.  They would get harrassed constantly by the older kids (well, older than me), and I had witnesses the events on many differnt occassions.

Once my friend Josh, who came from a pretty white trash family, actually peed on the their fence and called them names.  I think they where having a party at the time. 

If this had happened to me now as an adult, the pain and anger and humuliation would be overwhelming.  They never really fought back.  They kind of took it.  And yes, they where both pretty butch.

This is one of my regrets in life.  Never sticking up for them.  I was scared that someone would find out I’m a fag too.

The "butchier" of the two always had personalized license plate.  Every car she owned had the same plates.  Over the years, I would randomly see her car everynow and then.  At the grocery store, at the mall.  Out by where I live now (which is like 20 miles from my parent’s house)

So, this morning as I’m pulling off the freeway at 5:56 trying to make it to my 6am appt with my trainer, who do I see?  The car with her license plate.  She was going to the gym too.

I had to say something…

So, I ran up behind her, and said "excuse me".  She didn’t respond.. I almost lost my nerve.

A little louder.  "um… EXCUSE ME."

She turned, and I could see a bit of weirness on her face.  Who is this guy?

I said "um, pardon me, but you don’t happen to live on Flavel do you?"

"um…ya, why?"

"I was your neighbor for about 15 years growing up.  I lived at the house at the end of the street."

"Tommy’s house?" (my little brother)

"Yes"

"oh, your the brother with the family?"

"No, that’s my older brother.  I’m the other brother, Eddie.  My partner and I live on the westside, but I work over here.  Everyone finally moved out of the house."

"Oh, the house might sell now.  It looks really terrible."

Embarressed I replied "Ya, my parents got a divorce and it’s not been good the last few years and Dad kind of let the place go."

"oh"

We both started to walk into the gym.

"Um… excuse me."  This time from her.

"Ya?"

"When you said ‘Partner’ did you mean male or female."

"Male.  I’m gay."

Tears started to well up in her eyes.  Then she put our her knuckles to give me knuckle five(?). How butch.

She then explained "I can’t wait to tell Jan! So now we know, why suddenly everyone became friendly and accepting.  One of their own became one of us."  At this point she is on the verge of tears. "We where badly harrassed for years. "

Sheepishly "um…ya.  I know."

"And then people became friendly.  We always wondered why."

"Well, I opened alot of peoples eyes."

"thank you."

and with that we went our seperate ways in the gym.  She did come up to me and introduce herself as Karen, and asked mine again.  She said she has known my little brother for years.

There was so much I wanted to say to her. How I am horrified at my own behavior, and how i wish I would of spoken up.  I wanted to say sorry, and that it deeply affected me all these years later.

Without saying it, I think she got it.  I feel like I really corrected a wrong that I has always sat at the back of mind.