May…
My only goal for May is to eat 100% clean. My workouts are great…but my eating has only been 80% or so…and that’s just not going to cut it. I need something that will jumpstart my body into a regular loss pattern again. The yo-yo drama is getting old!
St. Thomas is less than 2 months away. At this point, I would be pleased with 210 or less. I’ve been flirting with 215-220 for a long time.
Here’s a lesson for all the weight loss campers: Do not go into cruise control mode and slowly add 20 lbs to your frame. Not only will the newly regained weight be harder to lose this time around, your body gets pissed.
Rest assured that when I return to glory (onederland), I will not take it for granted. I’m trying to remain positive throughout this entire damage control process, but it’s been difficult. I’ve cut my relationship with the scale from full-time, committed relationship to casual, occasional, one-night stand. The numbers aren’t important to me right now. I’m honestly going by clothing size and overall well-being. I strive to be 210 or less because I felt GREAT in this range. I was a real 14 (not the 14/16W disappointment I’m in now).
Oy…what can ya do? Just keep moving. I have 4 years behind me…goal weight/Lifetime status in front of me. While I regret flaking out when I was only 29 lbs from goal, I think it was much needed reality check. I reached 199 by restrictive eating and massive workouts. My exercise will always be fairly intense because I enjoy it. Restrictive eating is for the birds. Yes, I’m shooting for 100% clean for May…but as a jumpstart/detox only. After that, I plan to go back to 90% clean (basically 2-3 “free” meals per month). My road to 199 caused me to be borderline obsessive about my weight. Being dedicated is one thing…but passing on social invites, refusing the smallest piece of cake at a friend’s birthday…switching to sugar free cough drops and then wondering the point value? That’s not living. I agreed to take on this task of losing weight…only if I could still lead a normal life. My 2nd journey to 199 (and beyond) will be different. Eating clean is fine. Disordered eating is not. One of my favorites suffers from disordered eating and I will most likely stop reading her. Weighing daily and lamenting over eating too much fruit is not my idea of a healthy lifestyle.
So…that’s my plan for May. Probably not what you were expecting…but my journey is different. I’m more concerned with tackling the emotional aspects of the weight loss game…the things that cause me to overeat/slack off have nothing to do with physical hunger.
Hope everyone has a great week!
-C
I’m glad that you caught that before it got out of hand. Perhapes you could of wound up w/ an eating disorder (anorexica not the binge one well maybe the binge/purge) anyway most people think that it wont happen to you because your fat Ha I laugh I use to have an eating disorder and started at 160 and dropped all the way to 96. Anyway good job! Even though you did gain weight!
Warning Comment
Welcome back to being on track. Your trials and tribulations re-affirm that with determination, I too can come back from a setback.
Warning Comment
Thanks for the insight Courtney. “I’m more concerned with tackling the emotional aspects of the weight loss game…the things that cause me to overeat/slack off have nothing to do with physical hunger.” I’ve been really slacking off lately after being sick for a month, I just can’t get my groove back. I need to look into the root of my problem.
Warning Comment
oooh you go girl! I love that positive thinking and the way you are going to get to onederland, (cause you will chica!)
Warning Comment
Today is day 19 of clean eating for me, if I can do it, I know you can!
Warning Comment
“passing on social invites, refusing the smallest piece of cake at a friend’s birthday…switching to sugar free cough drops and then wondering the point value? That’s not living.” Amen to that. That’s a big part of what got me down. I’m still trying to get back. I wish you better luck than I have. I can feel I’m getting there, though. I just… love… that first note. ;p–
Warning Comment
am with the first noter! disordered eating leads to eating disorder… enjoy the journey, savor the goal…that my new motto 🙂
Warning Comment
you continue to inspire me, courtney. clean eating for may is my goal too.
Warning Comment
I want to congratulate you on achieving the healthy “mental” lifestyle necessary for living a healthy “physical eating” lifestyle. So many concentrate on the food/weight-pounds lost/gained that they don’t realize they are driving themselves crazy. Driving yourself crazy = stress = high blood pressure/weight gain or unhealthy weight loss. Good for you. With this mentality you’ll surely reach 199.
Warning Comment
Wow, thanks for this entry. I have been half-assing it along for way too long now, and your entry just scared the shit out of me. I lost 40, then gained 7, and have now lost 1.5 of that….I’m so glad I’ve tried to catch it before it got any worse. You inspire me every day!
Warning Comment
Hey Girlie! We are in the same boat I too have gained about 25 pounds from my 196.8 lowest. And it has been really hard to get it under control, the workouts aren’t a problem but I dont know how to control the eating and drinking. We will get through this though. Tontoy 242.2/224/160
Warning Comment
Courtney I have recently begun to read you…as a sistah who is recommitting herself to WW, I salute you. As a fellow sistah on this healthy lifestyle road, I just wanted to say congrats and to let you know that I have listed your link as a link of web sites that are inspiring on my site. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Warning Comment
Hey C…You will get there. I absolutely know it. Youre such a smart girl. Youre doing it the right way. Ive said this before. Youre not on a diet. Youve changed your life girl…Your success and your new lifestyle is a total inspiration to me and I know tons of others. Way to go on 100% clean eating. You will do it! I hope Im not the girl who eats too much fruit!! (Jackie)
Warning Comment
You know I’m a believer. 🙂 Go Girl!!!
Warning Comment
i’m with you on becoming obsessive. i’m trying my best not to become overly nutso on my journey. you inspire me!
Warning Comment
RYN: Girl, please! If I said HALF the crap I wanted to say you wouldn’t believe I go to church! The only reason I don’t put curse words that I’m thinking in my pretty little head is bcuz I don’t want people leaving me nasty notes about the fact that I said a bad word but I’m supposed 2be a “church girl”. But then again, why should I give a shit? Ha!I’m a work in progress..not perfect..yet! lol!
Warning Comment
Congratulations to you. loosing weight is not easy. I’ve been struggling for so long. Reading your journals has motivated me. Have a good day
Warning Comment
You really inspire me! I used to weigh 279 and now I weigh between 180-185 depending on the ‘time of the month’. Every now and then I get so depressed because my lowest weight was 173-175 and I want to weigh that again so bad. But when I think about it,I really restricted myself, and I couldn’t live like that. Thank you for keeping it real and you’re GREAT and I look up to you for inspiration! Kim
Warning Comment
Hi there! I’m having some real trouble with the whole mental adjustment. I think I’m afraid of the responsibility of being smaller, of how “vulnerable” it makes me, I don’t know. If you come across some helpful reading material, please pass it along. I need the help.
Warning Comment
We all have to find a way to deal with weight/eating issues that is sustainable, and it sounds like you’ve done that. Downtime/reversals are part of the process, but you have shown yourself that they don’t last long.
Warning Comment
Screw the halfway point, I’m bringing Molly and Ginger and we are going to rock Texas. 🙂
Warning Comment
well I lost underland porking out. LEts us do it again.
Warning Comment
Thank you, thank you for making me feel better. I am also dealing with my weight. I used to weigh 279 and now I’m 183, but my lowest was 173-175, and its so hard for me to get back to that weight. I’m like you I judge my clothes now and I had to cut my relationship with the scale from daily to weekly. But I will continue to work out and think positive and I want you to do the same. Thanks DIVA!
Warning Comment
if by hot you mean retardeddddddededed
Warning Comment
you rule the way you are Diva. I love you.
Warning Comment
I became obsessed with points and restricting myself and then flirted with the thoughts of being a food addict (as my diary now states). I haven’t been in my diary for almost a month and I don’t think that I’m a true food addict. I just got comfortable and let weight climb back on me. I know what works and now I have to just do it and not stress over it anymore! Thanks for this entry!
Warning Comment