4/1/2004

So therapy today was interesting. I told him I’d been working on doing more things on my own, shopping and such and that the level of anxiety I have when I do those things has decreased quite a bit. He seemed pleased to hear of what I was doing and stuff and told me to keep it up, to keep stepping out of my comfort zone a little bit at a time. He warned me not to go too fast though because it’d be bad to panic myself.

He asked about flashbacks, like if I ever have flashbacks to bad memories, and I told him about the time I almost got kidnapped and that yeah, I have flashbacks to that a lot. That’s one of the reasons I think I don’t feel safe outside alone.

After that we talked a little bit about my family and if I miss them and stuff. Then he said he doesn’t think I ever really left Oklahoma. He thinks I’m hanging on to everything there too strongly and that I haven’t given Connecticut a chance to become my “home”. He wants me to work on that, to start making this my home instead of the place where I live. I need to get comfortable in my surroundings, learn my way around and find a hobby and meet people. I told him I considered joining a community band in Windsor and I thought he was going to jump out his chair with excitement. I hadn’t told him I was a musician and he was really excited to hear that, apparently his wife is a pianist. So then he started coming up with ideas, he said the community band sounded great, or that I could take a music class at Hartford University or join a little group that plays at weddings and stuff like that for some extra cash. He said he was going to talk to his wife and see if she knew of anything for someone like me. We’ll see if anything comes of that.

And that was pretty much that, it was a pretty easy/fun session. I’m getting more and more comfortable talking to him and stuff, which is good. Last week I was shaking like a leaf and I have this nervous thing I do where I scratch the palm of my right hand, my hand was raw by the end of last session. Today I hardly felt nervous at all. 🙂

After my session I went to the craft store and scored two cute bandanas for Sara. I looked all around for a craft I could do that was simple and fun, but didn’t find anything I was interested in. *sigh* Maybe I’ll stop at Target and pick up some new coloring books this weekend or something cheesy like that, I love to color. Then I went to Taco Bell and ate myself a very tasty, but very unhealthy lunch. 🙂 But that’s okay cuz I am going downstairs to bust my ass, I have been rearranging the kitchen. *grins* Now today I’ve just got to finish up and rearrange the laundry room.