9/27/03

I was thinking this evening about life and people and the way people interact with one another. Our neighbors came over this evening to meet the kittens. We sat in the room for awhile; they’re looking forward to taking care of the kittens and all of our cats when we go on vacation next month. Having people over for a little bit along with the fact that they take care of our pets when we’re on vacation, of course got me thinking about our upcoming trip. For me, going to Oklahoma to see my family is really nice, it’s the one place, other than my own home, where I actually feel comfortable. Even after four years I’m still not comfortable around my husbands family. I have an extremely hard time getting to know people.

When I’m around my family, or my husband I’m a completely different person than I am around people I don’t know. Around my own family I have no problems with conversation, knowing what to say and stuff. When I’m around my family I can be quite the clown. I was known for being the life of the party. I had no problems joking around and entertaining people. It was really easy for me. Around people I don’t know all that well though I can barely reciprocate hellos. This, I think, is the thing that frustrates me the most. Knowing how much fun I have entertaining people and making people laugh. Knowing that I am a lot of funny and can be really funny. Yet, my husbands’ family hardly knows anything about me. I can hardly talk at gatherings.

I guess it’s not unusual for people to be more comfortable around their own family. The extent of difference though in me just seems a bit extreme. It’s frustrating because I have no control over it.

Sometimes I think it’s just amazing that I was able to come up here to marry someone I had only met in person three times. For some reason though it’s always been easier for me to get along in person with people I’ve talked to online. When I lived in Tulsa I met a few people from online in person. It was always easy to talk right away, I think it’s because the hardest thing for me is conversation. When you’ve talked to someone online all you have is conversation so you get really good at it with that person.

Anyway, I guess the point of this entry is that I’m looking forward to going home next month. It’s going to be hard to leave for a week. It’s always hard leaving my cats here, I miss them. It can be a little depressing going to sleep in the hotel knowing that I’m not going to wake up to find Kenny at my feet or Casper beside me. Of course, it’ll be extra hard knowing there’s 5 little kittens at home too. They’ll be in the best hands imaginable though. It’ll be nice to have Sara though, I think, lol, I’ve never traveled cross-country with a golden retriever.

Anyway, I’m going to close this entry now. I’m getting very sleepy.