I am Myself Today.

I’ve had a really good day today. Regardless of all the frustrations of the day, and week. Despite the fact that I can tell I’m coming down with a cold, sore throat, stuffy nose. I feel really great today.

I feel like my old self.

One thing I know I’ve written about a lot is that fact that I feel like I’ve lost the real me.

I’ve felt proud and tall all day. Happy and content even. It’s weird, this is how I used to feel all the time. Walking through a crowded restaurant is usually one of my worst fears but today it was no big deal. On my way to the bathroom some girls gave me a funny look and instead of thinking something was wrong with me my first thought was “What the fuck is wrong with you two bitches”.

I feel really good today, good about my life, myself, everything. I literally felt taller when I was just standing in the shower. I haven’t felt anxious all day.

I don’t know what the hell happened but I hope I can hang on to this. This is me, I’m not hiding behind a mask, I’m not cringing every time someone speaks to me. I’m out there, doing stuff, unafraid. I feel fucking great. For the first time in a long time I feel like I’m in control of myself instead of my “issues” being in conrtol of me. I hope like hell I can stay like this, and that tomorrow I won’t awaken to have lost control of myself once again.

“head like a hole.
black as your soul.
i’d rather die than give you control.”
-NIN