6/5/2003

Okay, so enough with the surveys for a little while. Although most of the questions are completely retarded it’s great when you’ve got nothing better to do. 🙂

I haven’t done shit lately. I did pay bills last night though. I always feel defeated after paying bills because there’s always a pile that I can’t pay and it’s especially annoying when the pile grows like it did this week. I seriously hate bills.

I e-mailed the director of the band I’m supposed to be in this summer. When I talked to him back in Novemeber he said rehearsals would start around May 20th and that I would get something in the mail. I haven’t gotten a thing in the mail. The other day my mother-in-law brought over a schedule for the bandshell and when I took a look at it I saw that the band is scheduled to play late July. I decided it’s time I nag the director and find out if he forgot me or not. I almost just gave up and decided to say fuck it. But no, I really want to do this. Performing has always been a part of my life and without it I’ve felt empty. The thought of passing this chance by slid off my shoulders at first like it was nothing, but when it really came down to it and I really thought about it, there was that empty feeling again. A part of me will always need to be on stage in some way, even if it’s just 3 months out of the year in a band. I do miss being in shows and plays and things though. There is nothing in this world like the rush I get from performing.

I am so glad tomorrow is Friday. By the end of the week I am so dead. Thursdays and Fridays are the worst for me, I require 9-10 hours of sleep a night to function well the next day. I get that on Friday nights and Saturday nights but I don’t get it any other night of the week. During the week I get 6-7 hours of sleep. Monday mornings I’m pretty fresh. I don’t hate Mondays like a lot of other people do. Monday and Tuesday I’m generally okay. Wednesday is pushing it, but coffee will generally save me. Thursday and Fridays it’s best not to speak to me until about noon. I’m tired, bitchy, and no amount of coffee can make me nice. I’ve always loved to sleep. Even as a kid my mom never had problems getting me to go to sleep. Matter of fact, she never had to ask me to go to sleep. I would come in around 8 or 9pm every night, give her a kiss goodnight and go to bed even when I was really little, y’know the age where kids usually fight you to stay awake later. When I spent the night at my dads house I usually ended up rather pissed off because I had to share a room with his girlfriend’s son. He was one of those kids that argued EVERY night at bedtime. When his mom finally got him forced in to bed he wouldn’t go to sleep, he would sit there and talk to me and try to get me to play games with him. That used to really piss me off because I wanted to sleep dammit!! I’m also one of those people you don’t want to wake up in the morning. My ex-step-mother used to piss me off by coming in and tickling my feet, after she realized that I wasn’t kicking her because of a reflex and that I was intentionally trying to kick her she started turning my light on to wake me up instead. I then piled a bunch of crap in the floor between the door and the ceiling fan and started turning the light off at the fan rather than using the switch by the door. She didn’t want to risk tripping over my crap in the floor so the started opening my door and calling me from the doorway then walking off. PERFECT! 🙂 Hubby learned that I’m not very nice when woken up in the morning too. I’m known for uttering the occasional “Fuck you” in the morning when someone is trying to wake me up. I don’t hear alarms half the time so someone has to make sure I get up. But hubby has mastered waking me up without pissing me off. The best way to do it is to make it look like you’re being sweet, not trying to wake me up. Rather than calling and/or wiggling me your best bet is to roll over and pretend you’re snuggling. 😉 Of course, that’s hard for anyone but a hubby to do though, if my step-mom had crawled into my bed pretending to want to snuggle I’d have vomited then called the police. 🙂

Anyway, I’m rambling. I think I’ll go find myself a CD to listen to and see about getting some work done.