5/27/03

Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it. Henry David Thoreau

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*sigh* I’m back at work today. I think this place fucks with me more than I realize. I’ve noticed I have a hard time sleeping the night before I return to work be it after a vacation or just Sunday night. I tossed and turned all night last night. There were some other factors that contributed to that as well. Casper having a hairball and then later bounding across the bed, over hubby, and up onto my back. I did not sleep well, at all.

I did have a dream though. I dreamt that I was auditioning for American Idol but instead of solo’s you had to do a duet for the audition to speed things up. I happened to be paired up with this guy named Stephen Pulver, he’s someone I’d known from 5th grade until I switched schools my junior year. But anyway, it was weird that he was in my dream singing because in real life this guy couldn’t sing his way out of a paper bag.

My mom left for Vegas at 6am this morning. I honestly do wish her lots of luck. I’d like to see her win at least enough to cover the cost of her trip. She said if she “won the big one” though that she’d be seeing to a pool being installed at our house in time for summer, lol. So C’Mon mom, “win the big one”!! Papa needs a new pair of shoes and Mama needs a brand new swimmin hole!

I’m terribly jealous this morning, we went to Burger King for breakfast and do you know how many out of state plates I saw there? Most of the cars there were from out of state and I’m jealous because I want to be on a road trip!!! My ass has to wait until October for a road trip and if we don’t get the refinancing on the house that road trip might get called off. So everyone cross your fingers that we can get our place refinanced. I am fucking sick of not being able to do anything because everyone and their grandma wants my hard earned money. I spend more time stressing over money and I’m sick of it. I’ve mentioned our financial problems to my mom in the past and she said we were living the “Great American Dream”. I’m starting to understand what she meant by that.

I was thinking again that if we got out of debt I might be able to switch to working part-time here which would leave me with, yes, more time for school!! Looking at how much school and shit I’m going to have to go through I don’t think I just want to take a casual couple classes a year. Of course, how do you tell your boss you’re going part time so you can go to school for something completely unrelated to your job? That makes it pretty obvious that you’re not going to be around as long as your boss would have hoped. I guess you just tell them and if they get p/oed you drive your ass to Target and ask for an application. 🙂

Speaking of work, we went into the post office on Saturday and boy did that smell bring back memories. The Tolland post office smells just like the mail place I used to work at in Tulsa. You know what it is? It’s those huge rubber bands. Those have a specific smell. I loved that job. As crappy a job as it was I was probably one of the most intelligent people there. That earned me the respect of all the other people and made me feel good about myself. Everyone came to me for answers to their questions and I loved helping people. I think that’s one reason I want to be a psychologist, I LOVE helping people. I get high off seeing people go from confused and helpless to succeeding at whatever it is they were trying to do. I’ve also considered being a teacher but with that comes too many people who are forced to be in school. I like working with people who WANT help and want to learn and make something of themselves. Of course, I know some of the trying to help people who don’t want it thing comes with psychology too. I was once a teenager being forced into a psychologists office by my dad. I’ve sat there staring out the window, refusing to speak. I’m sure there’s some of that with every job, the stubborn people who don’t want help. And, of course, if I understood then what I understand now I would have talked their ears off. Probably would have saved me a lot frustrations.

*sigh* Well, I guess I should snap myself back into the present. I’m sitting at my desk at work and I just heard the printer start up which means my boss will be on her way over in a min. to pick up her papers. Off I go to look busy. 🙂