Going home again.

So, yeah, if we’re going to Oklahoma in October I’m back to my old dilemma. Do I tell my dad or do I not tell my dad. The thing is, overall, I DO like my dad. He’s my dad, he made some mistakes but we all make mistakes, maybe not the same kind of mistakes. I mean, how many dads use drugs and dissapear for months after telling their daughter they’d pick them up on Saturday. How many dads marry someone and let them verbally abuse your daughter. How many dads let their new wife’s brainwash their daughter into thinking their real moms are horrible moms. Probably not a lot of dads, although I’m sure my dad isn’t the only one who’s ever acted like that.

Honestly though, I think most of the shit was my ex-stepmoms fault. She was a total bitch, I hate her so fucking much. My dad wanted to stand up to her sometimes but feared causing conflict because the bitch just gets bitchier and harder to live with.

My biggest problem with my dad nowadays is that he’s embarrassing to be around. He’s not that intelligent, he’s loud, and he doesn’t bathe. That’s the grossest thing, he doesn’t fucking take a shower. He reeked last time we were there and wondered why I didn’t want to hug him. Eww. The only way for me to see my grandparents is for my dad to know we’re there. With my grandpa in bad shape I want to see him as much as possible but even that’s hard for me. I have a really hard time communicating with people that can’t communicate with me. I need someone who’s good at communicating to help me otherwise I’m like a blind person all alone in an unfamiliar house. In a way I’d like to just remember my grandpa the way he was when I was a kid, but that doesn’t seem fair. You can’t just abandon people because you don’t want to see them sick.

I guess I will see my dad but I might fib about how long we’ll be in Oklahoma so I can spend more time with my mom and step-dad. I can only hope that my dad will have taken a shower. 🙂

I’ve got plenty of time to think about it between now and October at least.

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I had a bizarre dream last night.

Me and a friend of mine from High School, Nancy, were talking to our old band director, Mr. Geist. He was encouraging us to take this test to get scholarships to Harvard. They were letting a certain number of people take them and if you passed this test the scholarship would last all the way until you got whatever degree you wanted, it included everything including whatever dorm costs and book costs and stuff, it was a total free ride. Anyway, Nancy and I finally agreed to go ahead and take the test. I went in to it figuring Nancy would get it and I wouldn’t. We took the test and then took them to be scored. I passed and Nancy failed by 6 points. I was mortified, and we begged and pleaded with the test scorer to let her in anyway. Eventually he agreed and led me and Nancy to our dorm room. We hung out in there a little while and then decided to head out and watch the marching band practice since we’d both be music majors and in the marching band. It was unreal, we were so excited. We went back to our room and Nancy started unpacking and that was when I realized I needed to call my hubby, I hadn’t mentioned any of this to him. I told him where I was and what had happened and he was like “Um, okay, you can’t really live in a dorm like that and go to school and not work, we’ll lose our house”. In the dream Harvard was right down the street from our house so I decided to work full time still and take classes part time but I had to tell Nancy I couldn’t live in the dorm with her. She was sad but figured she’d find another room-mate she could live with and stuff. Then I woke up.

I had another vivid dream last night too, in this one we were living in this weird house. It was a huge one story with a huge garage. We’re talking like a 5 car garage here. Anyway, this guy my hubby knows (who’s wicked annoying in real life) kept driving by our house and bugging us when he saw we were home. We were trying to figure out how to not let him see we were home and I suggested putting the car in the garage and keeping most of the lights in the house off. Hubby didn’t want to put the car in the garage though because the rope you opened the garage door with was sticky and gross. I finally convinced him that it’d be worth it to touch that and get rid of the annoying guy so he did. And that was that. 🙂

That’s it for my dreams. I really love dreaming, there’s nothing better than dreaming to me. A lot of ideas I have come from dreams and if nothing else they’re just fun, it’s like letting your imagination run completly free. I used to wake up pretty dissapointed when I didn’t remember my dreams. I seem to remember them better on weekends. I tend to sleep better on weekends, during the week I swear I just go to sleep and dread the alarm going off at 5am the whole time. Doesn’t really make for peaceful sleep. Some of the dreams I have don’t make for restful sleep either though. I have recurring dreams about my teeth falling out and another one about fire’s. I’ve heard that the teeth falling out dream is pretty common although it scared the hell out of me the first time I had it. I got up and checked my teeth and brushed them real good. The fire one’s are always the same. It’s always the house on fire in the middle of the night and stress over getting the cats into their carriers and rescuing them. Hubby usually ends up running in to get the last cat and I usually end up waiting outside worried. He always comes back out though and everyone is always safe. Wow, we’d have a lot to rescue if there was ever a house fire though. One dog, she’s easy. 4 cats, 2 out of 4 of them are easy to crate, Kenny is damn near impossible to crate, and you always come out with battle scars from his claws. 2 hamsters, those are easy and 4 fish, not so easy as the tanks are awkward, probably damn near impossible to save in time.

K, enough about that, I don’t really like thinking about house fire’s. It’s one of my paranoia’s, honestly, I think about it every single fucking day. We come around the corner and I’m always half expecting to see the house on fire or some crazy shit. I unplug fans and air conditioners when I’m not home. I’m swear I’m the weirdest person I know, and the most paranoid. 🙂

Well, I’m sleepy, hubby is sleepy, time to go to sleep. 🙂 Oh yeah, and I apologize for any typo’s or anything. Typo’s driving me insane but I’m too tired to proofread. 🙂