Missing family

Well, my mom suddenly came back to life after 2 weeks of not hearing from her she finally answered an e-mail. She’s really excited about getting the CD.

She also mentioned again that she’s still looking for her mom. Y’see, I found out one night a few years ago that the grandma on my mom’s side I’d known all my life wasn’t my real blood grandma. My mom has debated back and forth for a long time on whether or not she wants to try and find her real mom. She’s finally decided that she thinks she wants to so she’s been looking. Her dad won’t tell her everything he knows because he doesn’t want her to find her. I have all our family tree information but it doesn’t give anything more than my grandma’s name. My mom is currently waiting to receive her mom’s birth certificate in the mail though so we’ll see where that leads us. The only downside is she kind of risks her relationship with her father by going behind his back like this, but we all deserve to know don’t we? I think he fears my mom not liking her step-mom as much or something of that nature after she gets to see her real mom, but that’s silly, her step-mom raised her and she was always a good grandma to me as well so I’d never not like her either.

This brings me to another point though. About 6 years ago my dad told me that I have a sister. Apparently my mom got pregnant and had a baby at 16 that they gave up for adoption. The reason my dad told me was because he had found out that I, at 16, was sexually active. He didn’t want me to make the same mistake him and my mom did. The day he found out thanks to a little tattletale “friend” I had. He got all worried and wanted to make sure I knew how to not get pregnant, duh dad. But anyway, apparently this was something my parents were never planning to tell me because he informed me that he was going to tell my mom he had told me but that she would be very upset with him. My mom was embarrassed by the whole thing and felt awful because she thought I’d be very upset with her. As a child I had always said I wanted a big sister, I even had an imaginary sister as a very young child. My imaginary big sisters name was Andrea and I used to tell my mom what she wanted to eat at restaurants and stuff. The whole imaginary big sister ordeal I think messed my mom up pretty good. When she talked to me after my dad told me she said she didn’t want to meet my sister and would prefer that I never went looking for her. This request bothers me becuase I’d like to find her just as much as my mom wants to find her own mother. Her dad tried to hold her back and that upset her yet she turns around and does the same thing to me! Apparently her worse fear is to find out that she gave my sister up to a family that wasn’t good for her or something. I kind of doubt that would have happened though. I just want to meet the big sister I never had, even if we don’t keep in touch, I’d like to know what she looks like, is she tall or short, is she fat or skinny? Does she have AS or any other form of Autism? Do we share any of the same interests? I’m prepared to be overjoyed or dissapointed with who my big sister turned out to be, she could be completely different from me and I’m prepared to be okay with that. It just bothers me that my mom can sit there and bitch about her dad not helping her find her mom and turn around and tell me I’m not allowed to have any information about my sister. I understand it must have been painful to be forced to give your child up for adoption but I honestly think that if my mom could see her, see that she did have a good life, which I’m sure she did, that it would bring her closure. There’s always the chance that it was a mistake but most adoptive families are very loving, afterall they wanted that child badly enough to endure the adoption process.

I know my father would give me all the information he has on my sister but I don’t know if I should ask, I’d be doing the same thing to my mom that she’s doing to her dad. Going behind their back. What goes around comes around though right? I don’t want to be overly selfish though.