Is John McCain having a cancer relapse?

David Letterman seemed to be onto something when he said ‘something is fishy’ when talking about McCain bailing on him last night. He had no idea, but he’s absolutely right. And the smoking guns to this whole thing might be make up and a droopy eye.

I’m not kidding.

It’s being reported that McCain has a new make up artist that is apparently attached to his hip. She is always by his side and there to give a quick touch up whenever he needs one. McCain’s campaign is paying TV-ready makeup artist Tifanie White, who’s worked on So You Think You Can Dance and American Idol $5,583.43 for her services, according to the Federal Election Commission. While this suddenly makes John Edward’s $400 haircut pale in comparison, it leaves one scratching their heads for such an outrageous purchase.

So why is McCain paying for so much just for make up? The answer came to us during the conference when McCain made his statement that he was suspending his campaign. While I was surfing the net and doing my own thing, I had MSNBC running in the background and they were recapping McCain’s statement, and my older brother was walking by and he made a comment that caught my attention, “What the hell is wrong with that guy’s eye?”

I immediately stopped working on what I was typing (the previous blog post)], and grabbed the remote and harnessed the incredible power of my Digital Video Recorder to rewind and take another look in super slow mo. When watching McCain, I then saw what my brother was referring to… McCain’s left eye was drooping really low, and it looked very involuntary as well as if his eye was closing without consent from the candidate. This wasn’t a pretty sight, and my brother wasn’t the only person who noticed this. Take a look at this photo:

I’m going to be honest with ya, I was very disturbed when I first saw this. Here’s something we’re going to have to consider, whatever is causing his eye to do this isn’t something we would wish on something and is likely a condition McCain should seek serious medical attention for. For example… one of the possible explanations that could fit with his symptom is a stroke. If this is the case, it had to be a very minor stroke, because when you look at the footage of him being interviewed by Katie Couric, the rest of his motor functions (such as hands, fingers, legs, etc) seemed to be all right. That clip David Letterman showed him talking with Katie Couric showed him moving both hands so that makes a stroke less likely but still possible.

That brings us to the more likely cause, one that would fully explain why John McCain is paying over $5000 for a constant touch of make up 24/7. The droop on the left side of the face very well could be the sign of pressure on the right hemisphere of the brain. With McCain’s history of Melanoma, it’s not too much of a stretch to find it plausible that there might be metastases in there causing the pressure. In other words, this could be a relapse of Melanoma and John McCain is using his ‘American Idol’ make up girl to hide it from the American public.

To quote the American speech-language-hearing association:

“Damage to the right hemisphere of the brain leads to cognitive-communication problems, such as impaired memory, attention problems and poor reasoning. In many cases, the person with right brain damage is not aware of the problems that he or she is experiencing (anosognosia).”

This pretty much explains everything that has been going on with the McCain campaign for the last week actually. You could even use this to explain last week’s ‘the fundamentals of our economy is strong’ gaffe, any other misstep he’s taken in the last few weeks. This could very well be the reason why the McCain Campaign doesn’t want anything to do with the debate tomorrow. If your candidate was suffering from impaired memory, attention problems and possibly poor cognitive-communication… would you want him getting in front of a camera and a hundred million people watching on TV? I wouldn’t and this could be the reason that makes the most sense on why McCain is going to be a no show tomorrow in Mississippi. Hell, you could even use the poor reasoning as his excuse for choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate. Everything can be explained if McCain is in fact suffering from a relapse.

If you want a reasonable explanation for McCain’s near-incoherent attempt to withdraw from the debate or to why he’s paying $5000 for makeup and has a droopy left eye that’s freaking people out… this is the one that makes the most sense. McCain is having health issues and is trying to keep them under wraps until after the election. He’s not running to Washington to help with the negotiations, and we all know that because the house said they don’t need his help numerous times. He’s going back to his office because his health has likely deteriorated so bad that he needs to take himself out of the public eye before it becomes too obvious or at least keep exposure to an absolute minimum.

As if this couldn’t get any worse, I actually happened to see my doctor earlier today and I took a moment to talk to him about this. I gave him a hypothetical question, giving him a generic description of the patient (McCain) and his known medical history, especially his multiple cases of melanoma and asked him for a ballpark guess based on the information on what I gave him. After mulling over it for a few seconds, I asked him what the first diagnosis that came to his mind was. His response: Tumor.

All of these options are not pretty, but we have enough to suggest that John McCain didn’t going back Washington to work with the Hill on any bill to save the economy. Instead, there is also enough to suggest that he might have left the campaign to possibly hide the fact that his health is deteriorating and he needs to rest from the Campaign before his condition gets any worse. If his health has degraded to the point where the campaign needs to cover it up, there’s no way the ‘Straight Talk Express’ would ever be able to recover from it if the main stream media were to catch onto it.

Peter