A Letter In the Works.

This was saved in here in November.  I actually gave him this letter.  He came back home…nothing changed.
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Dear Chris:

While you’re away this week, I thought it might be good for us to take a break from things totally.  Meaning, please don’t feel the need to call me or text me.  You need time to think and get your head together, and I need time to prepare myself for what might be coming.  I’m going to be just fine, while you’re away. 

It’s not that I am angry at you, it’s not that I don’t love you.  It’s just that I’d rather you really take this time away to make up your mind fully on where you see this relationship going. 

Meaning?  Either you want to be with me or you don’t.  It really is that simple in my mind and I’ve done a lot of thinking, during the weekend you went away and in the following week.  I’ve decided I am just not going to play these mind games any longer.  It’s not fair.  You sit and tell me you love me and you’re in love with me, then you pull the rug out from under me and tell me you aren’t sure you want to be with me anymore.  For my own mental and emotional well-being, I am refusing to stand on this precipice you’ve wedged between us any longer.  It’s not fair, I have done nothing to deserve this.

I do know, I no longer wish to be with someone who isn’t sure they want to be with me.  I did that before, for 22-years, and I am not going to put myself through it again.  I deserve more.  I deserve someone who is as invested in a relationship as I am.  

I deserve someone who respects me enough to talk to me and not scream at me when a problem arises.  You say you’re tired of fighting with me?  I find that really rich considering you are the one who constantly starts the horrible arguments we have.  You later admit it, you apologize and yet it keeps happening.  I’ve tried numerous times to walk away so it doesn’t get there, you refuse to allow me to do that. 

I deserve not to be accused of cheating on you every time you I raise an issue we’re having in our relationship.  Very, valid issues.  I see clearly you do this so you don’t have to address the real problem I am having with you, which is?  Your complete failure to move forward in divorcing your wife.

I deserve not to have any person who has been in my life thrown constantly in my face in negative ways by you.  You went behind my back, went into my email account and read emails.  I’ve forgiven you for that, although had I done the same thing?  I doubt you’d forgive me.  I’ve explained that same email over and over again and the truth is just not good enough for you.  I’m really done paying for something I never did to begin with!  I’ve told you the absolute truth, always, about all things.  I never throw the fact that you stayed out all night after I left you in a bar talking to another women, have I?  No.  The fact of that is?  I still doubt the story you told me and if I am to be quite honest?  I think something did happen that night between you and her and your guilty conscious is what causes you to lash out at me over nothing.  To cover up your own indiscretion.

You throw my ex-husband in my face constantly…you’ve thrown any male friend I’ve ever had, past or present in my face in an accusatory manner.  For no reason, I just don’t understand that.  I have cheated once in a relationship in my entire life, with you.  I’ve told you time and time again I will never, ever do that again because of what it did to me inside.