Unloading…Mental Shit Commences

Fuck me.  I need to unload and this is the only safe place I can do so.  Probably going to jump around a lot.

Okay…so where to begin?  Let’s start with my attempt at becoming a first time homebuyer…my last dream in March.  Checked my credit scores in February and was delighted to know they were in the mid 700’s.  Decided finally, I was going to go full steam ahead and try to fulfill my last dream since childhood of owning my own home.  A small one with a fenced yard and a place for my dogs to go safely.  I had $10k for a down payment and Chris was going to contribute another $10k.  ($5k I saved from my tax refunds and some money, and the other $5k, remember I took from the money Brian left in our account from his $72k settlement?)  

 

Any way, I went through 3 banks and got preapprovals for $225k.  Decided on Bank of America, because it’s a bigger well known bank and the other 2 were not so much. One was an internet based bank and the other one I didn’t know at all.  So I find my dream home…complete with the washer and dryer I’ve been lusting over for years now, red kitchen, fenced yard.  Down the street from the people I’ve always considered parents.  I negotiated the selling price down $12,500 to $212,500.00 and I signed the purchase and sales agreement…submitted all the paperwork to Bank of America (time after time after time again) only to have them deny my mortgage and try to strong arm me into an adjustable rate mortgage.  Seller got pissy, refused to sign any further extensions because Bank of America kept asking last minute for more.  Sent the termination of the P&S on the date we were supposed to close because I had been denied.  Then?  Seller decided he didn’t want to give me back my good faith deposits.  Had to fight for those, won that fight.  Waiting for that check.  Thankfully I kept telling Chris NOT to remove the $10k from his CD until we were sure I was going to get approved.  I am glad I had the foresight to do so.

Purchase – Denied.

Now?  Brian.  FUCK ME TWICE!

Brian, hrm.  Okay.  So Brian got his back social security settlement, to the tune of a little over $24k in late February. They deposited it, unbeknownst to me, into our old joint account.  While I am going through trying to buy the house?  I get a notice from my bank that he wrote a check against the old account for $30k in 

Florida which of course bounced.  I call him up at his brother’s house in NC RAGING and asking him just what the fuck he thought he was doing?  Fighting commences…I tell him, ‘Fine, Brian, you want to fucking play dirty?  I am going online and I am transferring ALL of the money in there into my account."  He replies, "Go ahead, keep the money, I am going to die any way."  I ask him what the hell he’s talking about and he tells me "I’m going into the hospital to have an insulin pump installed and I don’t think I am going to make it."  Head reeling now.  However, have to protect myself from further overdraft charges.  I don’t really want the money…but have to protect myself.  So the next day I go to my bank and close the joint account and transfer all the money into my solo account.  I wait for him to call me so I can send him a check for the SSI settlement.

Now flash forward to 2 weeks before that.  Brian calls me and tells me he’s coming up here to watch Melissa’s dog while she goes to Florida for the weekend.  Begs to see the dogs.  KNOWING full fucking well this causes MAJOR issues between me and Chris.  Still?  I tell Brian yes, he can take the dogs for the weekend.  I tell Chris and of course, Chris gets mad and we have an argument.  The Monday before the Wednesday Brian is to come here?  His mother calls me and tells me Brian is having some kind of emotional breakdown, finally realizing we are really over and he called her crying.  He won’t be coming here after all.  Oooo’kay.  I tell her I am sorry to hear that but Brian had enough time and chances to save our marriage with me and he didn’t care then so I don’t understand why he’s so surprised now.  Gee thanks, thanks Brian, for causing me shit in my current relationship for nothing and thanks for not being man enough to call me yourself and having your family get involved.

 

 

He decided to drive here any way, calls me on Monday raging that he wants his GD money and I’d better have it in a bank check for him by the end of the day.  Now I am fucking livid!  I tell him to go fuck himself, “really?” I say, “Really?  Then I fucking want a check for ½ of the $72k settlement you’ve already received.”  He laughs at me and tells me it’s all gone!  I hang up because I am pissed at him and his BS.  He then has his brother call me!  I tell his brother this is none of his business and to mind his own business and not call me again!  Brian calls me back from the social security office and tells me if I don’t return the money he’s going to have me arrested!  He wants the other $5k back too!  Now I am fucking LIVID and again I tell him go to hell and hang up on him!  My bosses tell me he’s full of shit, it’s ALL considered a marital asset and I cannot be arrested for closing a joint account and protecting marital assets considering he blew through $72k already.  He then has a woman from social security telling me that social security law is different and if I don’t return the money to them they will garnish my wages.  Now I am STEAMING mad.  Okay, I say, I will return the money. 

 

 

I take the next day off of work, go to Probate court and file for divorce.  I ahd been holding off on doing so because I didn’t want to stress him any further.  Once you file for divorce and the other party is served?  ALL marital assets are protected under a restraining order, meaning if you disburse any or incur unnecessary debt?  You are then in violation of the restraining order and an order of contempt of court can be issued.  PROTECT ME!  I then tricked Brian into telling me where and when he was going to be so I could serve him by the Sheriff by telling him I was going to send a courier to where he was and give him all the money.  Instead?  I had the Sheriff’s Department serve him the divorce papers in hand at his brother’s house.  Score one for me!  Did I feel bad for doing it?  Yes, I did.  I then wrote a check for the amount of the settlement to social security and returned it to them via certified mail.

 

 

I don’t hear from him for weeks.  His brother calls me and tells me he’s not doing well at all.  I say I am sorry to hear that but I can no longer be Brian’s mother.  He’s got to grow up and take care of his own life now.  I let him take all the money we had, let him leave me with a $550.00 a month car payment and it’s not my fault he doesn’t know how to budget money so he can live.  He needs to get up off his ass and get a job!  

 

 

I then send a letter to Brian letting him know that if he doesn’t agree to sign a mutual request for a divorce and the separation agreement as I’ve written it?  He’s leaving me no choice but to proceed as has already been laid out.  I will demand an accounting of all the money he’s spent, where it went and so forth and I will ask the court to have a judgment against him for whatever they term is fair to me.  I send him the paperwork…and in the separation agreement I agreed to allow him to retain all settlements received thus far, he has to sign the car title over to me once I pay it off, I get to keep my retirement funds and I get 1/3 of any settlement he gets from the pending 3rd party case.  Spoke to 3 lawyers and they all said I was being MORE THAN FAIR.

 

 

Jume to two weeks ago.  We both received noticed we have a court date on June 2nd for a status conference.  I tell Brian he’s got to appear or a warrant can be issued for him for contempt.  I get a call from Brian telling me he’s totally broke now and something happened with him and his friend John and he’s living in a hotel.  Blew through not only the $72k (minus the $5k I took) WC settlement, but also the $24k he got from SS.  Then he tells me they never put the insulin pump in because his glucose levels were too high (nearing 600) and he’s got to go into the hospital so he can’t be here on June 2nd because he’s doing that on May 17th.  I tell him I am very sorry and I hope he feels better soon!   Asked him how he blew through so much money since November and he tells me it doesn’t matter, it’s all gone.  Okay.  I ask him if he’s going to sign the divorce papers and he says he will.  Good. I then say, well, send them back to me I will appear on June 2nd and file the papers and explain you cannot be here because you’re having some medical procedure done.  I will ask for a final court date for August when you said you’d be here anyway for shit you have to do for the lawyer for your 3rd party case.  Okay.

 

 

Last week I get the paperwork back, of course he doesn’t indicate his banking information for the separation agreement, nor does he complete the financial agreement correctly.  I call him and tell him I need the information.  Now he might have kidney cancer.  Tells me that last week the doctor felt a mass on his kidney, took an ultrasound and found all kinds of cysts.  That she told him right then and there he probably has cancer.  Now my fucking mind is reeling and I feel sick, guilty and like a total scumbag.  Then I talk to a few people in the medical business and they all tell me the same thing, “Tammy, NO DOCTOR SAYS YOU HAVE CANCER until ALL tests are done and it’s confirmed totally.”  

He’s been calling me all week, every damned day, playing on my emotions. He was supposed to have a biopsy done last Thursday. He calls me Thursday and tells me they won’t do the biopsy because his glucose levels are out of control and they don’t want to put him under. I am told that a biopsy doesn’t require general anesthesia but local. Friday he checked into a hospital allegedly to get his glucose under control. Saturday morning I am at my nephew’s baseball game and I get a call from him telling me he went bonkers in the hospital and broke the IV machine and left because they put a patient in there with him who was throwing up while he was trying to eat his breakfast. Later Saturday I get a call he’s checking into another hospital. Every day more and more shit piled on me and today? He gets discharged from the hospital because Medicare won’t pay for him to stay anymore and his insulin costs $1300.00 and they won’t cover it and he doesn’t have the money.  Now I am calling around trying to get him help in paying for insulin.

 

 

WTF does he want from me?  No I know what he wants, he wants me to send him the $5000.00.  Chris told me if I send him any money he’s going to be pissed at me. That Brian is totally playing me and our mutual friend Ted told me the same thing.  

How come I feel so fucking bad and guilty?  Do I really owe him anything??  NOT once has he called me since December and asked me if I was okay.  Not once.  

Always about Brian, in all ways about Brian.  Just as I see clearly now it’s always been throughout our relationship.  I just wish for once in my life I could think about ME and ONLY me and not worry about his problems.  I want him to give me the fucking missing information so I can complete the paperwork and get this damned divorce final.  Once that happens I don’t want to hear anymore about him or his problems!!!  He has a family he can turn to.  It’s not my fault he didn’t listen to anyone and take care of his diabetes years ago.  It’s not my fucking fault he won’t get up off his fat fucking ass and get a job because his lawyer is telling him it will hurt his pending lawsuit adn it’s not my fucking fault his stupid ass decided to take all the money and live like he won the fucking lottery!