It’s Been A Long Time.

A lot has changed.  Mentally/Emotionally I am still working to wrap my head and heart around how differently my life has turned out compared to where I thought/assumed it would remain.

Brian left for Florida on 12/22/2009.  I removed myself from the house 12/18/2009.  As it turned out the Rob Thomas concert I had tickets to see in CT for November was canceled due to the death of his beloved dog.  Chris and I still went and spent that weekend there in CT.  Rob rescheduled the show for 12/18/2009, which as it always seems to be, was exactly the right time for me.  Yay, thanks Rob, for always having a way of being there exactly when I need you to be.

Originally I had planned to go to the concert, come home on 12/20 and help Brian pack up and get ready to leave on 12/22.  Friends and Chris told me that wouldn’t be a good idea for me.  Chris told me his former wives and girlfriends had left the house when he did the same.  Deep inner reflection told me I really wouldn’t be able to handle that mentally or emotionally.  I also thought it would not be good for him either, seeing as he was driving to Florida in a truck.  So I quietly informed him I would not be returning to the house until after he had left.  

Chris and I left for Connecticut the morning of Friday, 12/18 with the intention of staying there that entire weekend.  Then we had checked into a local hotel here for the remaining 2-days (12/20 & 12/21).  Well?  As it turned out?  There was a giant blizzard headed for CT on Saturday with an expected 2-feet of snow.  Then when we were to check out that Sunday morning?  We’d have been driving into the thick of it getting back to MA.  So we saw Rob Friday night.  (FUCKING FANTASTIC SHOW!  Chris was very, very impressed with Rob live and I have to say, after seeing Rob I can’t tell you how many times, that show really was one of his absolute best solo performances in my opinion.)  Any way, so we decided to check out of the hotel in CT Saturday and get ahead of the storm.  So we drove back to MA and we stayed in a hotel here for the remaining time.

It was emotionally painful…but it was much easier NOT seeing Brian actually leave.

When I went back to the house Tuesday 12/22/2009, I had a good cry and grieving session.  Something I needed.  But there was an immediate sense of relief too.  Relief that I wouldn’t have to be faced with seeing Brian every day anymore.  Relief that things were finally moving towards a conclusion as to where he and I were concerned.

Not sure if I mentioned this in earlier entries.  I know I haven’t been writing much, sort of self-preservation if you must.  But Brian’s WC case settled in late November.  He was awared a total net of $72,000.00.  I walked away from all of it and told him to keep it.  I got my ass handed to me by lots of people for doing that, but I felt and still do that it was the right thing to do.   He left $5,000.00 in our joint account as emergency money for me to hold in case something happened to him while he was on the road.

In hindsite?  I am kicking myself in the ass because he has literallly blown through $50,000.00 of it already.  That money was supposed to be used by him to support himself as he has no job and really, the job market and his abilities continue to look bleak.  But I know I cannot mother Brian any longer and he needs to be a big boy now and learn to stand on his own two feet.  His continued lack of responsibility and immaturity can no longer be my cross to bear.  I have been told this by Ted (our mutual good friend), his sister, Chris, my boss and everyone around us.  So I am slowly and continuously moving further and further away from him and his issues.

I did something that I never thought I could do though.  I took that $5,000.00 he left in the joint account and moved it into my own personal account.  I warned him I was going to do just that because he continued to blow through his only source of income like it’s water and I wanted to keep some sort of safety net for him for when he needs it.   (He’s partying hard in Florida, buying gifts for people, spending needlessly on things he doesn’t need.)  For fuck sakes I gave him everything in the house as a way to help him and keep him from having to buy everything.  Which left me with having to replace a shitload of stuff.  He’s living with a friend in Florida (who is equally as irresponsible and his living costs amount to just over $600.00 a month, while mine amount to over $2,500.00.  I’ve taken over the car payments…etcetera.  He asked me not to move the money.  I originally agreed to leave it alone, but fuck it!  I decided, if he doesn’t care why the fuck should I?  Furthermore, why should I  walk away from everything that is rightfully mine too!  I mean, HELLO!  I’ve been supporting us for the last 3-years while he sat and boo hoo’d about his fucking knee and how he couldn’t work.  Not wanting to take any type of job at all.  I paid for his full set of teeth, I’ve been covering us our entire relationship.  So I finally listened and I took the $5,000.00 and it remains in my account.  So?  I did something I still, deep in my heart feel kind of bad about, but I took it!  *shrugs*

Brian comes back here tonight for his social security hearing.  He called me and told me he would like to see the dogs as much as possible while he is here.  I had to really think about it.  On the one hand I feel he has a right to see the dogs, on the other hand he walked away from the dogs when I was being fair and offered to let him take one or two with him to Florida.  (Which made me ache so deep thinking about it,  but I wanted to be fair.)  He decided not to.  And?  I just can’t do it.  Chris will be pissed at me, I know he will.  It will cause HUGE HUGE fights in our relationship and I told Brian yesterday, "no, I cannot have you at the house while I am not there and I can’t have you coming around when me and Chris are there because of the strife it will cause me.  I will meet you at the beach Saturday afternoon if you’d like to see the dogs then."  He wasn’t thrilled, but you know what?  I am not going to bend myself in half for Brian any longer when he has never once put my needs or feelings before his own.

I am changing, growing and I see things a lot clearer now.  😉  I will come back later and write more, but this is all I’ve got in me for right now.  Besides, I have to get my ass to work.

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I would have taken then $5k and put it away more safely too. Glad the concert was good. It’s not comparable since you have so many more, but hell would freeze before Bob would get Pumpkin during a separation!

After all you have done for him over these many years, he should have left you more than $5 thousand. Even though you had told him you wanted nothing. Just saying. Glad to see some sort of update & that Chris is still with you. 😉

Keep the $5K for you. Yes, I said for *you*. Not for when he falls on his face financially…because he will. If you’re keeping it for him, then just hand it back to him now. Same thing.

Appears you and I have been long removed from keeping up with eachother and wow.. I’m reading back and catching up. I feel for you – if you need a friend, I’m here. I know how ugly divorce is and try to be a listening shoulder to friends I’ve made here and elsewhere when they’ve fallen into the agony that is trying to start their lives over..