awakening

I feel different since cooking for the buddhists. i went to a few teachings. and two chantings. chanting was fun. basically just singing in a big group of people, except in a different language, the same phrases over and over and you pause every ten minutes or so to do ten minutes of meditating. after the second time i chanted i stayed in the temple for a few minutes after everyone had left. looking at the tapestries on the walls, which were beautiful renditions of various buddhist deities. green tara, the protectress, possessor of infinite compassion, sitting in half-lotus so that she can get up in a split second to help someone in need.

i’ve never been anywhere more quiet than the temple, surrounded by 20 other people, meditating. i am pretty sure it was quieter when we were all meditating than it was after everyone had left the temple. for some reason, 20 human bodies producing quietness allowed the room to feel much more still.

i shed some tears in the temple. i am not sure why. it had something to do with feeling like i was amidst something bigger than myself. peering into it. feeling drawn toward it. i’ve never felt drawn toward a religion before. i’ve always admired some things about certain religions, and made an effort to adopt those into my life, but christianity as a whole (and i’ve “tried” a few different flavors of it) always had some sticking points that made it impossible for me to accept.

buddhism feels more real. it feels more about being your best self… for your own sake and for the world’s. not for god, not for the pope. not for the church-community that has always seemed a bit cultish to me.

some things feel different since i’ve arrived home. i feel as though i have more intuition about the future than ever before and i also feel far less attached to any specific future. i feel more clarity. i feel more stillness. i feel more contentment in the present moment. i feel more loved, more loving, and better able to see something from someone else’s point of view. i feel like time is expanding, like all of a sudden i have exactly the right amount of time in my life to accomplish what i’m going to accomplish. i feel less turmoil when contemplating the future.

there’s so much more. this is all on the surface. i am excited about digging deeper. i am making an effort to be more mindful and present.

curiouser and curiouser.

<3