i still love that painting

the painting over there that i made when i was in room 311 ingersoll hall in fort collins, colorado. if i still had that painting i would frame it and hang it on my wall. damn. how are we supposed to recognize that things are valuable before we’ve already let them go?

i heard this creation myth once.

that the stars were once sentient. these sentient stars were a solid, unblinking, untwinkling, rather serious critters. they had to commit suicide when they started to get old, because getting old was viewed as a despicable habit amongst celestial beings. stars who hung around for more than a few trillion years were viewed with disdain. and besides, the other stars so enjoyed watching a supernova happen every now and again… have you ever seen someone explode light and energy and fuel and fire and then draw in suck tight into themselves until there becomes a bit of space that is less space-y and more proton-neutron-electron-y and all of those bits in there make it want MORE bits, so it starts sucking other bits out of the world as it encounters them, from star to supernova to black hole, well! i tell ya! sheer entertainment.

well, there was once a star, not brighter than any other but different in a way. the light shifted about her a little differently. and she decided that she did not want to become a greedy little black hole, always wanting more, sucking down matter like an ant-eater in a natural history museum that has a clumsy keeper who knocks a room full of pillars containing ant farms onto the floor.

that’s a greedy motherfucking ant-eater.

anyways, this star, instead of exploding and then gathering all of her bits about her, she exploded and flung herself out into the universe, letting her self fly out and settle in where it would, becoming not just the earth but a billion other planets and moons and mountains and suns and rivers and plants and every other thing that IS.

we are made of a star that created the world by sacrificing her self so that she could become the entire world.

i think this myth means something important to me right now.