but i choose to rage
I am very happy being me right now. I have decided not to leave America this winter… yet. Fall is too damned great right now. I can’t wait for winter, snow, tea, cocoa, soup, scarves, boots, skiing, etc. And I refuse to deny myself the pleasure of my favorite season two years in a row just because I feel like if I don’t travel I am not living an exciting or challenging enough life. My new challenge to myself is to settle. To cultivate community. To do the things that make me feel good, like running, stretching, cooking, inviting friends to dinner, writing, writing, writing.
It’s looking like Colorado is going to be the place I settle for the winter. Despite the fact that a large part of me despises a large part of Colorado. A large part of me does NOT despise amazing friends (three of whom live in the sunshine state) or snow or cold or ice or mountains or quiet sleepy towns.
Although I have been changing my mind at the drop of a hat recently, so we’ll see how this plays out.
Right now, right now. I’m in Washington state and in love with fall. I’ve made myself sweat for at least an hour every single day since I’ve been here. I went on the most amazing run today. Ran for an hour and fifteen minutes without stopping (impressive for me) through this mossy, beautiful evergreen but also interspersed with fall colors rainforest and it was rainy and a bit cold but after running for like fifty minutes I glimpsed this silvery strip of sunshine blinking at me through the trees to the west, over the ocean. And I was listening to Man Man and Regina Spektor and they are my favorite things to listen to right now while I am sweating.
I’ve been cooking a lot, too. I made the most divine crab bisque and crepes with basil, spinach, sauteed mushrooms and onions and smoked salmon wrapped into them and butternut squash lasagna and oh! I roasted cornish game hens and made broth out of the carcasses (I’ve never done that before!) and used it for the bisque and that was a nice feeling. I feel more and more comfortable in my skin every day and I’m happy.
I think the key is sweating. Seriously. Every day.
Love love love
Clea
Are you coming back to FoCo?
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You can’t really ask for much more than amazing friends. I wish I had some here. Good luck with the settling. And I’ve been cooking a lot too. It’s been my new favorite hobby since I moved. Those crepes sound AMAZING. Do you still think they’d be good without the salmon? If so, I’d like the recipe.
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