one year later….

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Hey, it almost looks like OD is working again! So… at the very least, i can answer those questions from one year ago that i was gonna ask myself one year later, if you follow what i mean.

This might be fun.

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Are you still working at the Stone Ring, or did that bastard Sylvain transfer you for no reason? Is Sylvain even still there? Did you ever get that raise?

Yes, i’m still at the same place, and i’m finally getting a bit sick of it. Sylvain is gone, and no one misses him. Yeah, we got the raise, and it was fifty goddamned cents. Big whoop.

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Are either Muna or Dahir still there? How about the Oaf? Milliken? Mr. Robins? Nilley? Lewis?

Sadly, no. Dahir suddenly got the axe in July after a very normal day, and Muna left on her Africa trip a week later… she said she might come back, and she never did. Now she’s in Toronto, and her replacement — Conklin — is, as you know, a total dud. I miss them both.

The Oaf is still there, but i never work with him anymore because he has a second job. Milliken is mostly gone, sometimes works a random shift here and there, and doesn’t give a crap anymore. Mr. Robins is still there. Nilley! That bloated, evil creature was transferred to the wastelands of Omohundro right after the beginning of the year, and i haven’t seen his miserable pop-eyed creep face since. Lewis is still there, but only rarely do i get over to KRH to work with him, and that’s a shame, ‘coz Lewis rocks.

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Did you accomplish your lofty artistic goals? Did you draw those epic drawings you have in mind? Do you now have a portfolio that includes vehicles, animals, landscapes, and sketches? If not, why not?

Nah, not really. I got caught up doing commissions again all year, but hey, many of them were totally worth it. I suck, i’m horrible at doing things i don’t want to do. But don’t worry, 2014 will be different. I’m totally telling the truth.

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Do you have galleries set up at the Behance Network and CGTalk? If not, why not?

Behance, yes. It’s a valuable resource. CGTalk is too annoying and full of snoots.

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Has everything gone well at Kingwood? Any weird setbacks or disasters?

Things are going great. I love this place. No setbacks, no disasters. Smooth fucking sailing.

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Are your brother and Mary still together?

Yeah, and i thought they were doing well, but just yesterday my brother admitted that she’s been pissed off since Christmas, they haven’t fornicated in a month, and they might break up. Same old story.

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Are all three dogs still alive? Godzilla and Cooper are… getting old.

They are all still alive, because Cooper is just too mean to ever die, i think.

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You went and saw Iron Man 3 and Thor 2 and Star Trek Into Darkness and The Man of Steel, right? You fucking nerd.

Iron Man 3… yes. Thor 2… nope. I saw Star Trek and Man of Steel on netflix, and they were pretty weak. Honestly, i think i’ve finally gotten tired of these fucking blockbusters. That second Hobbit movie was… just annoying and pointless. I got a lot more enjoyment out of artsy films like Computer Chess and Upstream Color, really. And TV shows like Breaking Bad and the original Trek. Maybe i’m finally an adult.

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Have you overcome the PW issue? (Don’t ask.)

Only halfway, but it don’t fucking matter. We’re playing the long game here. The crack-up is coming, and after the fall i’ll get down beside them and watch them crawl.

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Is America still kinda lurching along like an overweight, drunken, but still somewhat vigorous middle-aged hobo?

You know it. Everything pretty much sucks. Obama’s looking rusty, people still ain’t got jobs, the Republicans are evil shits, and the big story this week is that Chris Christie might have caused massive traffic jams as part of some childish revenge scheme…. which just seems like something that would happen in New Jersey all the time.

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Did you touch any boobies? Did you even get close? Fucking loser.

No boobies. I’m a loser. Where do i go to meet women who aren’t much older than me, much younger than me, or members of a clannish and religious society that forbids mating with outsiders?

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Hmm, fun.

Because i don’t like to leave things unfinished.