but i’m resentful all the same
(someone’s got to take the blame)
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Ooooof. I have two days off, but i have to work a 16-hour shift on Saturday. So… my life is great right now but will suck in four days. I hate that feeling. Let’s get it out of the way now, not later.
Must… enjoy… the now.
That Conklin guy i work with really is making my weeks excruciating. Even worse, Hamwad hates him so much that he’s thinking of quitting and working elsewhere — and this would suck, because Hamwad and i are totally cool now. But i understand, because working with Conklin is like taking a messy shit and not being able to wipe your ass and you just have to walk around with a poopy buttcrack all day and there’s nothing that you or anyone else can do about it.
I mean, i’ve worked with lazy bums. I’ve worked with loud jerks. I’ve worked with wheezing, whining old men and braindead thugs and every other type of miserable person you could imagine… but somehow, Conklin is worse. He’s worse. He’s worse because he’s so overwhelmingly pitiful. Every thing he says is “oh, woe is me, i’m so weak and pathetic and won’t you be my nursemaid and take care of meeeee?” All he can do is dither and whine in his quivering, stuttering voice, always asking the same things over and over again.
I’m serious, i’ve heard the following things at least 50 times each.
“Am i the old man on this shift? I don’t know how old you are or Mr. Wadham is, but am i the oldest one?”
“I think… i mean, i don’t know, i just think that the way they have you train at Central for three days, i think, maybe, that they should have you train here at the actual site instead, so you get to know it better. That’s what they did at Clover Bottom, you know, you’d work one day on first shift and then one day on second shift and then one day on third shift, i think they should do that here.”
“Should i drink my juicebox now?”
“I have to go to the johnny!”
“Have you ever thought about copyrighting your drawings? I don’t know how that works, but shouldn’t you copyright them?”
“Is it… so… okay, i’m about to have two days off, and then i come back Tuesday at midnight, Tuesday at midnight, is that correct?”
“So… to use the smartphone… uhhh… first… do i swipe it? Do i swipe it? Like this?”
“So who is coming in today? Roberts and Pruitt? Who? Robins and Pratt? Roberts and Pratt? Robins? Are they, would you say, are they usually on time? What would you say is the percentage of the likelihood of them being late or not coming on time? What’s the percentage?”
I hear those over and over again. No matter how many times you answer his questions, he’ll just ask them again.
And he can’t work. He is utterly incapable of doing anything. I asked our new supervisor — hey, is there paperwork on this guy somewhere that says he doesn’t have to do anything, ever? and the response was “pretty much.”
I mean, he can’t make phone calls. HE CAN’T MAKE PHONE CALLS. The other day, we actually had a situation where things got really busy. I was scrambling, doing all the work, while he stood in a corner and fidgeted. I asked him, “hey, could you do me a favor? Call Central, and tell them that the electricity is out over here, but it’s out because the Metro workers turned it off intentionally. So they already know about it. Call Central and tell them that.”
…and it was beyond him. He started panicking, and shaking, and handed me his cel phone while babbling about not knowing which phone was which. And so i assured him that it didn’t matter, just call Central using any of the three phones. Just call Central. And tell them that. At your convenience.
…and he couldn’t do it. He could not place a phone call.
My god, what do i do with a person like this.
I know, you’re thinking i’m being mean. I have to coddle this insufferable manbaby and do everything for him. But you’d understand if you had to work with him. He clearly just doesn’t try. He’s embraced learned helplessness, and decided that he’s just a weak and damaged person and that’s all there is to it. It’s sad and revolting.
>__<
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Okay, enough about that.
Things are weird. Things feel weird. They always do. This is maybe the first year where i’m not overjoyed that winter is coming. I guess i am, overjoyed that is, but not overly. I feel too much the bleakness.
Once again… it will soon be Thanksgiving, and then Christmas, and i don’t know how to make anything memorable happen. Nothing will happen. Everyone else will be visiting their families and doing stupid crap and gorging on dense foods, and i’ll just be driving to work at midnight and listening to sad choral music on NPR.
It sucks.
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When i visited John, the one thing we didn’t talk about was his music. It’s pretty clear that he’s not working on any and probably has no plans to. I find that… immensely sad. For the last ten years, he’s always said that he was saving up, acquiring the right equipment, building the setup that was necessary… but then, i’ll read that you can pretty much download everything you’d ever need for free. That’s there’s no barriers to making music anymore, except for drive and skill.
I didn’t think he’d lose those.
This is just the way of things, right? We all start out wanting to be artists, but then… you settle for that well-paying job as a budget analyst for Sprint. And you spend your downtime watching movies and playing computer games and talking to your significant other, who is currently in Syracuse with her parents. Try to get her to move back in and get off the pills. You try to build that stable life. Job, money, relationship.
Not me, though.
I’m still chasing it. Every time i log on to DeviantArt, i can see that it’s not futile, that there are people who have made it, who are making it, who are going to make it. It just feels so far away sometimes.
Trust me, i’m not trying to sound superior. If i had a girlfriend and an office job, i’d probably be the same way. By any socially-acceptable standard, he’s the winner and i’m the big fat loser.
Fuck.
Well, it was winter. Now it’s back up to 75 degrees. What the fuck. I guess that’s okay.
I admit, i was glad when John told me that Joey wasn’t doing so hot. Unhappy at his job, girlfriend broke up with him.
GOOD. Fuck that guy. All who betray and abandon me must suffer.
In my opinion, John drives a bit recklessly, and probably shouldn’t text so much while driving so fast. No good can come of that.
Honestly, what are we doing here with our stupid lives?