let me speak to the twisted child

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I’m not sure if i’ve ever watched the Oscars. I didn’t this year, because at the time i was getting ready for work and my brother and BJ were playing Call of Duty in the living room. You can’t halt all of that for a 3-hour awards show, i guess.

But i don’t hate the Oscars. It’s too trendy to hate the Oscars. Come on, Jennifer Lawrence is adorable, what’s your problem? More importantly, it’s hard to hate something that radio conservatives also hate. On the way to work, i listened to a few minutes of Supertalk 99.7, and sure enough, some right-wing goon was screeching about Hollywood’s “toxic fog” and “endless sewer pipe of degradation.” Which, you know, is hilarious. Conservatives just have it in their minds that Hollywood releases nothing except pornographic movies about drug users who hate America and hard work…

…and i’m still just confused. Where are those movies? I want to see them. That’s not what i see coming out of the movie industry. I think i ranted about this like a year ago — some famous online wingnut released a video claiming that movies about American heroes “no longer exist” on the same weekend when Captain America was number one at the box office and selling twice as many tickets as expected. But here we are again. Okay, let’s just look at the critically-lauded movies of the year….

Argo: A movie about how awesome Americans save other awesome Americans from the swarthy Iranian hordes.

Lincoln: I haven’t seen it, but i imagine it’s rather patriotic.

Life of Pi: Supposedly, it’s about the greatness of God? It does have brown people in it, so that’s a bit suspect to conservatives.

Beasts of the Southern Wild: Also contains a lot of brown people and is partly about Hurricane Katrina, but is essentially apolitical. All the conflict in the movie comes from Hushpuppy’s disturbed father, who is a poor black alcoholic who needs to get a job.

Zero Dark Thirty: A movie about how we totally killed Osama bin Laden, America, fuck yeah?

Django Unchained: Seriously, why are conservatives against this movie? It’s a western. They love westerns. They love movies where lone bad-asses shoot everybody. John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson…. Django. What’s the problem here? Is it because of slaves?

Silver Linings Playbook: I have no idea what this is about, it must be the one about the naked hippies on drugs who hate America.

And what about our recent blockbusters?

The Dark Knight Rises: Western millionaire defeats scary foreign terrorist and cures a fallen woman of her wanton ways.

The Avengers: A bunch of white superheroes, including Captain America, defeat a foreign army led by a villain who is, you know, a bit lavender, really.

The Hunger Games: Scrappy girl from rural coal town battles against the decadent, perverted city people.

Skyfall: The ultimate traditional male races to save his stern boss from an evil latino homosexual terrorist.

The Hobbit: A white middle-class guy goes off to find riches.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn II: Okay, they’re vampires, but they waited until they were married to have sex.

…does anyone else see this?

Even though Hollywood is full of gays and swarming with liberals like Ben Affleck and George Clooney, the products coming from Hollywood are still fairly conservative in nature. So why the disconnect? Did these conservatives see Natural Born Killers back in 1994 and haven’t been the same since? Meh. I guess it’s just more of that good old American either/or thinking. Either the movie industry is a bastion of wholesomeness that dishes out nothing but Christian pablum, or it’s the polar opposite. Gray areas don’t exist in the conservative mind.

Honestly, i’m not a fan of conservatives and how they think. Did you know that.

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Anyay, enough blathering.

I worked another double this week, which just wrecks me, but now i have two days off. Huzzah. If they’re trying to call me in for overtime, i wouldn’t know, because i washed my cel phone when i did laundry yesterday. FUCK. I was going to keep that phone forever, you guys. Classic LG flip phone from 2008. Forever. Luckily, i still have my even older LG flip phone from 2006, and as soon as i get a new battery and charger in the mail, i’ll be even more ridiculously obsolete.

But you know, i actually am thinking of getting a smartphone. It all depends on the next few months. Things are coming to a head at my job, finally. For one thing, our shithead boss is GONE again. Gone, baby, gone. And a previous boss is back to fill in for a few months, which indicates that…

…yeah, our company probably lost the contract. And the rumor that i’m hearing from everyone, even the supervisors, is that Walden might take over. While my current employer is the bottom of the barrel, Walden is top shelf. They have strict standards and will probably make me answer questions and take the physical challenge before hiring me… but they pay a lot more. I might get paid nearly twice as much, which means i’d no longer be working for peanuts. I’d be working for circus peanuts.

Please god make it so.

If it does happen, i hope they don’t try to move me to a different location or let my coworkers go. And that’s a real possibility… my record is exemplary, but Muna and Dahir’s record are spotty at best. Dahir might regret his “fuck this place, i don’t care” attitude if it gets him the boot when the place finally starts to pay off.

Come on, Walden. Hire us. We’ll be good.