no one is suggesting that there are cows on Mars

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You too, Sargasm.

^__^

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Okay. Now that the election is over, i can finally get back to worrying about my own miserable life.

Umm. I just made the switch from canola oil to extra-virgin olive? I live rash.

Okay….

….just one last thought.

A lot of people i know or follow online fall into the “Obama won, woo-hoo, as if it’s really going to make a difference” camp. Even legalized weed in two states doesn’t seem to perk up their jaded Gen-X brains. Seriously, aliens could land tomorrow and give us the key to endless life and infinite energy, and most of the liberals i know would shrug and say “aliens? That’s some gay Independence Day shit, whatever. Lame.”

But really, think of it like this. This election was the first post-Citizens United election, and for the first time, billionaires were allowed to pump as much money as they pleased into the system. Nine months ago, liberals were hyperventilating because they thought that an Elizabeth Warren or an Alan Grayson would never again be permitted to win in America because they’d be up against an endless spigot of corporate cash…

…but it didn’t work, because Barack Obama and the Democrats built the largest and most effective get-out-the-vote organization in history.

There’s a reason why Karl Rove was sweating and panicking on FOX News. He spent the last four years convincing the ultra-rich to donate 390 million dollars to his CrossroadsGPS SuperPAC to achieve one goal — elect corporate-friendly Republicans. Do you know how many he elected?

Just one.

He got about a 2% return on that investment.

If that doesn’t bring a smile to your stone face, you have no soul.

Meanwhile, the Koch Brothers and Sheldon Adelson donated several hundred million to get Romney in the White House. Why? If we were still children, then David Koch would bend over and pinch our rosy cheeks and say “Why? Because Mr. Romney is such a nice man, and we both love freedom so very much!”

But since we’re not children, we know that they were leaning back in their whaleskin-upholstered chairs and growling “we’re going to own that cocksucker’s balls, my friend. He won’t fingerfuck his wife unless we give him the go-ahead.”

There have to be some very good reasons why the Kochs would greatly prefer Romney to Obama and they probably involve pipeline leases and non-negotiable credit-swap carried interest deferment securities. I don’t know precisely. Or even generally. But if billionaires are desperate to elect Romney, then i want the other guy.

^__^

Also…

….this election was foretold. It was preordained, my friends. Ever since i started paying attention to politics about ten years ago, the less jaded liberals have been saying that the GOP always wallows in fearmongering and coded racism, pandering to homophobic white Christian suburbanites because it gets them 51% of the vote. But there would come a time, an inevitable time when that strategy would no longer work, because it will only appeal to 48% of the population.

We may have just reached that tipping point. Boehner and McConnell were so spooked by the sliver of the latino vote that they received this time that they vow to start the next session of Congress wearing sombreros and and large handlebar mustaches.

Heh.

Okay, no more politics for a long time, i promise.

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Umm.

Remember how my brother and Mary broke up?

They’re pretty much back together again. What the hell. What the fuck. I think the whole affair went something like this.

Mary: Accept Jesus and stop smoking weed or i’ll leave you!

My Brother: Bye.

Mary: ……can i come back over?

My Brother: Sure.

>___<

Oh, well.

Mary is lame because she watches all this reality trash like Pawn Stars and Breaking Amish and formulaic romantic movies, but will sniff and whine when my brother tries to show her the Lord of the Rings movies…

…and damnit, if you’re going to call the Rings movies stupid, you better be watching better shit, like Hitchcock and early Scorcese or Lars Von Trier or Alfonso Cuaron or some dankness like that. Not… oh, god, that chick flick where Zack HighSchoolMusical Kid plays a hunky war vet and falls in love with the lady from Atlas Shrugged.

Else your argument is invalid.

She’s a real dick about it, too. Like she genuinely thinks she’s superior.

Fucking hell.

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We think we found a new place. It’s just a mile or two up the road, a little apartment complex called Kingwood. It’s not spectacular, but a bit nicer than this place. The buildings are spread apart, not one giant block like this place. And they’re farther away from the main road, so there won’t be cars zooming in and out as i walk the dogs…

…also, it’s within walking distance of the animal clinic. I could literally walk the dogs there every time they need a checkup or a nail trim. That would be awesome. No more dog snot trails on my windows!

Funny, i pass that road every day. It’s right by the animal clinic, Hastings, and the ill-fated Burger King where i worked as a kid. But i had no idea that place was tucked away back there. And after i pointed the place out to my brother, he reminded me that Kingwood and i have a bit of history…

…because that’s where i got drunk for the very first time. Yeah, now i remember. The Pannell brothers lived there, and i went there with my brother some random day when i was about 18 or 19 years old. And they kept giving me drinks, and since i was a stupid kid, i drank them too quickly, and soon i was trashed beyond belief. Then they forced me into their hatchback and drove around wildly until i was sick. And i ended up blacked out in a Mapco restroom for about an hour.

That was the place? Kingwood? I had no idea.

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