Offerings at the pain palace and other tales.

Tonight was chest and back. I pushed past the desire to punk out and simply go to the tread mill. I have been yearning to hoist steel considering I’ve been neglecting the weights in hopes the cardio would take me in the right direction. But I know otherwise. It would be foolish for me to continue like a gerbil and not do what makes my entire body ache with good pain.

I have been thinking alot lately about my choices with my health and how they will eventually affect myself, my son and my wife. I don’t want to die early and despite my blood pressure always being good my weight is at a place where I need to turn back.

I always reflect on the time I lost the weight for my cousin Mike’s wedding, I was so disciplined then and I dwell on what it would take for me to harness the discipline again to be that warrior. Be that determined unstoppable adrenaline train. When I was in the zone I would decide to wake at 5am and I would do so and hit the gym. Now it’s a struggle knowing full well I could just hit the alarm to wake me at 6:50am to get ready for work and blow it off.

Blowing this off would be like not choosing to live.

I can’t be that person.

I saw myself in the mirror today and did not like what I saw.

Bloated, messy, and unfit.

This was after the gym.

I have to form my plan and make this happen.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Work has been slow. Ridiculously slow.

I ran out of stuff to do at 1pm despite scraping together odd ends and rewriting updates and making follow up phone calls to tie up loose ends.

The secretary Casey and I barely spoke to one another. The wall between us acting as the berlin wall of sorts and honestly I was content I barely had to deal with her today.

I am hoping to have drafting to do tomorrow, I read up on the CAD program I use to brush up on some techniques. I never have time to do this and since taking a REAL course is a low grade possibility I have to do this myself.

I just get pissed everytime the drafting school sends me flyers for open house knowing that the hours they offer and my offers will never synch. Never. Each time I ask about it I just find myself even more frustrated.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Things between my wife and I have remained on a decent positive note. The fighting between us is way down and I’m glad about this, the communication is better but the last element is still not in the picture but we are getting there.

Ok, that’s it for now.