The nightmares are back.

Last night I had one of those nightmares again. It has been so long that I almost forgot I had them.

Scene: Pizzeria parking lot one which I couldn’t recognize by name but altogether familiar I was standing there. It was snowing and felt like the depths of January as I was buffeted by sharp wind. I could actually feel my fingertips get numb as I looked through the wide window to a comfortable scene of patrons. One man stands out, he is african american and was wearing a brown leather jacket like 70’s style the kind that was very macho and the in thing to wear. My father happened to have one, except his was a mellow gold color.

Something in me said I should go inside, that is until I feel something cold and heavy in my jacket pocket. 

It was a revolver.

I’m supposed to kill this man. 

The last time I had this dream I did. I walked in there and unloaded all the bullets into his chest. The man died.

This time I just stood there and contemplated what it meant, and in fact I recognized that I was dreaming or nightmaring, whichever you choose.

I woke up before anything else happened. 

I don’t know what this means. Any of it. I don’t even have an recognizeable residue from reality to cling one shred of reason to.

The last time I had this nightmare was 8 months ago and before that I can’t remember.

I spent 4am to 6:50am just laying there listening to the sounds of the house, shaken.