Tuesday morning 6.29.10
It’s 6:12am and I’ve just gotten back from my rendez-vous with the pain palace, cardio and abdominal work again. Some weeks I’m great and I’m there day after day, then there are the weeks where I’ve lapsed five days and have the get the wheel spinning again. Today proved to be a good go of it considering how sweaty I got.
I keep thinking about how my wife views me and if in fact I am simply that animal she sees now.
It is depressing honestly to know that your judged on your anger and yet look at the damage I cause.
Look at how I hurt her.
Hurt myself.
Hurting us.
Sometimes I feel like I’ll never surpass this deficit inside myself, that no matter my toil there will be something inside me that will drag me down again.
Sorry for such a bleak start to your morning reading…..
harder work at home than at the gym eh?
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we are all just human, right? sometimes i wonder what the block is that i can’t somehow flow past, the block that keeps the “something inside me that will drag me down again”. i know i want to release it or not give it so much weight or not hate it/me so much, but every time it rears its head, i feel like i am right back at the starting line of facing it. over and over. no apologies for saying your real heart. we all choose how to react to other peoples’ stories. it is no ones place to say “hey, your story SHOULD be different so i am more comfortable.” in peace,
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