added thought

i’m just sitting here reading random diaries..and so many ppl are going through so many things and i can’t but help thinking of ppl in my life….as we all go through things, some situations the same, some situations different…

i was wandering back down the path of my friendship with my bestfriend..she and i have been through alot….and to think of it, she wasn’t my first bestfriend, but the only bestfriend that’s returned to me after a bit of a seperation…i guess that means she’s the one special one who will always be there even if she isn’t.

she has had the worst luck with guys….i mean i love her, but you’d think that eventually she’d find someone to break the cycle. first there was her highschool sweetheart….her first love….whom is now a known physco in this town of ours…he at one point raped her and almost killed her…if not for his older brother pulling him off her, she wouldn’t be on this earth anylonger….from on extreme to the other the next guy she was with was the opposite…he didn’t beat her…he just degraded her and emotionally abused her……finally she realized he wasn’t the guy for her….and moved on…the next one….just kinda took up all her energy, money and time….she quit college, had little money and she wasn’t allowed to come see me…because i would tell her that she could do better and she always took my advice to heart…still does not that i think about it….so she finally gets away from him….finally.. and moves back in with her parents…which at this point in time i don’t know if it’s a good thing or not….her mom is jealous of me…the fact that she comes to me with her problems and not her mom….don’t get me wrong her mom is a wonderful woman..just not easy to talk to …her dad on the other hand..just sometimes goes off the deep end of the pool and says things a father shouldn’t….but then he’s quick to appoligize….

so she was seeing this guy, a great guy, never spent her money, always treated her right, never had a problem with me n her spending time together…but the downfall to that was he just got out of a 3 year relationship and wasn’t looking for another one…not to say he doesn’t care for her..but it’s not like the feelings she has for him….so now they are just friends, no sex, no nothing like that….and she’s slowly swirlling into her selfhate, thinking she isn’t beautiful and trying to hide her emotions from me…which by the way she’s never been able to do…she tries to show that she’s not bothered by the situation by going out with other guys and different parties each night…not saying she’s sleeping around….just that she’s putting on a front with the world…and trying to convince me she’s fine…

so here i find myself in the middle of my world changing, more worried about her than me….which that’s how i’ve always been…now i’ve got Malachai to worry about too, but i know she’s gonna be fine..so i worry about my friend….what i hate the most tho is that being my best friend…she missed the birth of my baby girl…although now she’s making up the time missed and Malachai knows there’s love there for her

so as she was seeing this great guy…she got back into school and she’s doing great…i hope her new found emotional havic doesn’t make her doubt herself and her education again….i know there’s a guy out there for her…just where do i find him for her so i can end her emotional termoil??????????