sex and the lack thereof

 

I don’t even know what I’m going to write about. I just opened the box. and here I am.

So I guess I should talk about something on my mind.

Night before last, after the baby went to sleep (in his own bed! thank you very much…) Baboo and I were cuddling… mostly naked. I can’t tell you how it feels to have his skin touching me. It’s so foreign now. But amazing. I felt my body relaxing into him and it felt so right.

 

One of the things that was there from the moment I met him was a physical connection. He grabbed my hand, while he was driving, and it was like something turned on inside of me and said "yes, this is very right"

And when we first had sex? WOW. I mean, was it the best sex I ever had? Honestly, no. but was it the best experience with sex I had ever had? yes.

There was something about our chemistry. The way he smelled. The way he touched me. The way he made me feel that went beyond the physical… it made me an addict immediately.

I was a wild thing then, I didn’t have just one partner. And the others? Extremely hot. My old favs will remember RS… omiga… he looked like Jack from Lost and was muscular and amazing… but there was no spark. I had sex with him several times. But I would ALWAYS choose Baboo over him if given the option (which happened more than once)…

And to not have that part of our relationship has made an impact on so many other things. No, our marriage is NOT just all about sex. Clearly that isn’t the case. 

But it’s important, as much as people want to get on some high horse and say "I have a connection spiritually with my husband. Sex won’t be there forever, looks fade" blah blah blah BLAH BLAH.

 

WHATEVER!

Sex is important. And maybe when we’re 90 we won’t be boning down (or maybe we will, who knows!)… right now? I’m still young and fertile and sex is important and awesome. I can’t say enough, I did have my moment. But i just had a baby, so leave me alone!

ANYWAY, where was I going with this?

We were laying there with skin touching skin and it was awesome.

 

I tried to get more of that last night, but he was a bit… stand offish. He didn’t spoon me like the night before.

But then he started to play fight with me, like we used to. For some reason most of the guys i’ve been with like to play fight before we have sex.

It turned me on.

I wanted more.

He had gotten into the shower with me earlier.

and …

images of him were in my mind.

and i just WANTED him to want it and to … I don’t know… try.

nothing happened.

He went to sleep not long after.

I was turned on in every way, dying, looking at his sleeping face with a mix of lust, anger, fear, and sadness.

He said he made a dr.’s appt to talk about some of his breathing issues. he wasn’t even going to bring up his lack of sex drive. So i told him he had to. If he needs to take testosterone or if it is the weight or WHATEVER, then we need to do it.

I want my husband back.

bleh.

My baby beckons. I’m still breastfeeding.

It’s time for his nap.

 

 

 

 

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 (A zombie apocalypse survival diary, for your reading pleasure and future knowledge when they take over the world. Yes, I am the author.)