I wanna…

run away.

I have to admit, it stings a little. to write.

here.

to write.

anywhere.

I should be editing but my mojo is busted under the stress of things happening. School next week and stuff like that. And then.

i don’t know.

I want to write, but I don’t.

I don’t know. I DON’T KNOW.

I dont’ want to keep writing about it, but maybe that is why i can’t write about anything else.

I’m fucking pissed at this website. And i’m pissed at the new one (not because it’s bad, but because it exists)

does that even make sense?

Probably not.

I just FEEL as if what I always thought would be is crumbling. The feeling of it makes me feel… angry and scared.

and like giving up entirely.

I don’t want to relocate.

and i don’t want to stay here.

hows that?

hows that for what I think I truly feel.

but is it?

I almost just want to go into my cave and never come out.

i mean, if you have me on facebook you can still see pictures and crap.

but maybe i’m done.

maybe this open book of my life is over.

maybe I should just pack up and go.

I won’t.

I mean, when I said I wasn’t going anywhere, I meant it. 

I just don’t know how much of me will be left here.

I don’t know.

i don’t know.

i feel.

abandoned and sad and weird.

and sorta broken down and chipped at my corners.

and maybe I’m old and stupid too, to put the icing on this messed up cake.

a lot of things have felt off.

my relationship with my little sister, the one i was closest to.. I think it’s changing and it’s broken on top of it.

we went to the beach and we said maybe 4 words to each other. That never happens. 

I was actually mad at her.

I don’t know what that means.

I don’t know what anything means.

this isn’t helping.

I’m gonna go watch youtube videos and pretend like I’m somebody else.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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 (A zombie apocalypse survival diary, for your reading pleasure and future knowledge when they take over the world. Yes, I am the author.)