toopid stupid tuesday
I smell a title theme.
anyway… I slept like hell in a basket rolling down a hill that is very bumpy and lined with screaming babies.
Ugh.
I’m TIRED but I can’t REST. I don’t know when this is going to pass, but it needs to hurry the hell up.
so, update on me and baboo.
I feel so RAW about everything. I got so scared and so angry that I feel just torn up from the inside and its not healing very quickly.
I look at him and I feel like I’m ripped in half. One half loves the hell out of him, knows that we are in a lasting relationship with a long future, and would do anything for him at the drop of a feather.
The other half is just so HURT that it doesn’t understand how to behave and wants to just curl up into a ball and die over and over and over again.
I know, I’m dramatic, but that’s not really new, is it?
I love my husband. I knew he had issues going in. He’s changed a LOT and is an out of this world father to my children and an unbelievable husband to me. But he had a life before he met me, and it was very sloppy and scary and full of insanity and I think he sorta slipped into some old habits and forgot who he is now.
do I think it’ll happen again?
honestly, I don’t. I just don’t think he’ll go there again.
Am I going to be proven wrong? Who the hell knows. What I do know is that when he’s realized in the past that situations are bad, he HAS removed himself. He has to learn the hard way, but he does learn. So I have faith in that.
I just need to heal that broken sad part of me that can’t understand what happened this weekend. I just don’t know how to facilitate that process and I’m going to just have to figure it out. I love him SO MUCH but I feel a wall built up and it’s going to take a minute to break it down.
Case in point, he puts his arm around me and I want to melt into him and run away at the same time. It’s so crazy.
I guess it just hit me off guard.
blah. I want to stop talking about it now.
Anyway, it’s Motuesday, I’m at work and I have an inbox full of god knows what from Friday. So I’m gonna do that and blah blah blah, hopefully the day will go by quickly 😉 At least it’s a 4 day week.
and another 4 day week next week.
I can work with that!
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I am so proud of you! You are an amazing wife and friend, he is very … VERY lucky! <3
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It’s not a process that happens very slowly. I had a really hard time just getting over what Aleyn did that last time. He however has participated in me regaining trust for him. He’s been around alcohol since the incident and he doesn’t over do it, he drinks responsibly and that has helped. Sure there is a part of me that cringes every time alcohol is brought out but I’ve learned to trust that he’s not going to be stupid. It’s so hard though. I think with his help you will be able to get past the hurt but again, it will take some time. You just need to know that he’s there for you 100% and won’t break your trust again and that’s not something you know instantly after something like this happens. He’ll help you see and I believe what you say, that he will definitely not do it again and that he recognizes the problem and wants to fix it so you two can be fixed.
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I do play on the wii! I had to order the guitars online and I love it. I had only ever played on xbox, I didn’t know they had it for wii either.
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“I slept like hell in a basket rolling down a hill that is very bumpy and lined with screaming babies.” Ha! Well played!
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It sucks to have these crappy moments in a relationship, but i see these moments as a chance to strengthen the bond. I think it’s the tough times that cement the relationship for good or ill. I am sure you’ll talk it out and come up with a plan that both of you feel satisfied with. You are a smart cookie, and i don’t doubt you’ll both work to make things better for each other. GOod Luck!
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*hugs tight* Everything will work itself out 🙂 – you’ll see ^_^ Stay strong hun x
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*hugs*
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It may just take some time. It was a very WTF kinda night. *hugshugscoffeehugs*
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It’s Motuesday for me too. sigh… well… he IS human… and we do make mistakes, we are all broekn. It’s been a long time for him and it is few and far between. I dont think this is a habit. I dont think it will happen again or if it does, it will be very very infrequent. I completely understand your fears though.
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I don’t know. Things like that aren’t very easy to break if he’s still not strong enough to ignore it. And no. I’m not saying it to be down on it. I’m just being realistic. Some habits are really hard to break. And only so few many people are lucky enough to become strong enough not to revert back to them again. Whether it was intentional or not. Those things can have a pretty powerful
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impact on you if you don’t yet exactly have the right strength inside of you. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. It’s not easy and I’ll tell you that right now. Demons can fuck you every which way if they can find the right loop holes to sneak into. I’m sorry you carry this with you. I’m not saying he’s over all like that. But. It’s like saying I’m an alcoholic and I can’t change. You
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shouldn’t have to but I’ll say it anyway. Be careful. I suppose the tone of it and the impression I get is that you’d feel uncomfortable with divuldging what the incident is.
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Oh and I hate annoying things like that with myself too. With the on and off things with sleep and that.
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It is TueThursday for me. We work four and skip the Wednesday. Gotta keep Friday. GIive it a little time, but you may have to break those emotional icicles off yourself, love.
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You and Baboo will find your way back!
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what will you call tomorrow???
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Oky, I just got caught up on your entries. That was pretty scary and the worst feeling ever. I’m glad you have been able to talk and that he has someone like you. Other people might be too harsh..but you are supportive of him while giving tough love. That’s what will help him. You don’t make him feel stupid or useless…you tell him how it is while making him feel like he can help himself. I LUV U
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I know that sleep well…and it’s no friend of mine. It’s just gonna take some time to get back into the you and baboo swing of things. That’s what happens. It’d be hard not to find someone with a “past” at our age. Sometimes it will creep up on you and try to fight its way back in. You may just have to beat it down a little, give it a swift kick to the shins. You got this.
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I just privatized a bunch of entries – all of them – It was a spur of the moment decision.
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