this entry is about farts. *trumpet edit
omiga, i’m a total gas machine right now.
it’s terrible.
I’m not at liberty to just let the gas fly free, and it’s really not all prim and lady like *wink* but DAMN I could trumpet like a damn bassoon and it would make me feel so much better. Instead I’m trying to be classy and not unleash the fury, but jiminy.
what is up with all this gas?!
I know, delicate flowers such as I *snort* should not talk about farting, but here I am. I have to fart. I have to fart a lot. I’m NOT farting because I’m at work. and so… i’m in more pain than I should be.
stupid gas.
my stomach keeps making noises, probably from the gas. I sound like a damn deflated balloon, you know when you squeeze the end and let the air out? but in my STOMACH.
blargh.
stupid farts.
the end.
*Edit: So I went into our storage room to find something, closed the door, walked to the far side of the room, bent over and let rip a giant trumpetous blast.
It was momentous.
and relieving.
I no longer feel as if I will explode. However, more is building up and I’ll be going to "find more files" before the day is finished.
I know you’re all intested in my fart adventures.
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Go crop dust someone or blow up the bathroom
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OK so let me get this straight you have GAS, and you HATE people, and you are locked in a room filled with human critters…hmmmmmmmmmm… :)cull the herd!
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I fart way more now than before. My body is super sensitive to things. It sucks. Potatoes are the enemy, I’m thinking I’m going to start doing mashed potatoes and I’ll add some flax seed meal to them, that usually helps me digest them better without the gas. My other problem is high fat food. Cheese, lactose, normally I can handle a bit of lactose, but lately I can barely handle it. Likea grilled cheese was no problem before, now I fart so much even with just a bit of cheese 🙁 And it’s good protein so I don’t know what to do about that, I don’t want to give up cheese, I love cheese. Good luck with the gas, I wish there was something magical a person could take to help with it. I’ve seen some things on TV but never tried them, like Beano? I wonder if that works.
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I would hit up the bathroom, I’m a much nicer person after I relieve the gas.
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hey make it more interesting. I say fart and queef! what better way to mix in a bit of the trumpet to the bassoon… Ok ready 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 bassoon…………trumpet!
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LMAO it doesn’t get much better than this…I hope there is ventilation in there because you might walk right back in to the present you left for everyone else!
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HAHAHA very glad you got some relief!
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It’s funny. Lol. You should’ve seen me this morning trying to ignore the urge to shit. Because I was tired.
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The word “bassoon” killed me. I literally “LOL’d” and that is rare for me.
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I think I’m going to have McD’s for lunch, I feel so bad about it but I really really want a Big Mac, I’ve been craving one like it’s been nobody’s business or something.
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I dont understand the Gas-x commercials. They are all ‘In a public place and cant fart? Take a gas-x and the gas will disappear.’ Yeah, it will disappear………..through your butt!
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o0o well, relief 🙂 Go you.
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more people need to go OUT OF THE ROOM on fart adventures like you.
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so tempted to RC this lmfao
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lol, have definitely had days like that!
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So, in order to stop being a “lurker”, I’ve decided to comment and state I’ve been following you for several months now. And I must say, I love your entries. They are enlightening and yet so-down-to-earth honest that I can’t help myself but continue to anxiously wait for the next entry. I only wish I was as clever and funny as you are… Anyways, that’s all. You’re great.
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Thank God it wasnt a shart!
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make sure you don’t set off any earthquake alarms
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