probably when I’m dead

 

 I’ve been feeling pretty shitty all week.

Baboo has been worse and I think I’m now getting whatever he has on top of what I have and it’s not pretty.

I had the worst headache imaginable last night while watching Lost.

I think I would have had this headache even if I wasn’t sick.

That show is a doozy.

I won’t talk too much about it if people recorded it and haven’t watched it yet.

The trade off pissed me off though.

We got like 2.5 answers and a zillion more questions. ugh. it does make me want to watch the show in hopes that they’ll quit complicated things, but my hopes are low. We’ll see right? I still love it.

so anyway, I’m crap on someones shoe today. I woke up feeling like death on wheels. My head feels swollen and like it’s going to fall off my neck. My throat is throbbing like a motha (I’m gonna drink some tea as soon as I’m finished with this) and I’m sneezing (those horrible sick sneezes that resonate down into your throat and chest and feel like someone is exploding death bombs in your body….) and my body aches.

Of course, I won’t be taking off work.

Why?

Well I don’t know. It might just be that I’m stupid. lol.

but it also has a lot to do with me not taking time off right now. Unless my one of my kids are really sick or I’m requesting vacation, I’m really going to try and refrain from taking off work. the layoff level went from 1000 employees to 1500… and will probably go higher by the end of the day (they are voting on some crap today in the City council)… I’m not feeling hopeful.

Oddly, I feel like maybe this is whats supposed to happen.

If they demote me and my pay is not enough to survive… maybe I’m supposed to move. The prospect of such a big change with all the crazy that goes with it almost thrills me. I know I would feel out of place in a new city, but it’s not like I run around hanging out with friends and family all the time where I am now.

Hell, I see my family about 4 times a year and the majority of our communication is either by phone or internet.

If we moved, I’d probably see them half that time, and my parents probably a lot more cuz they’d LOVE an exscuse to come to Texas and they may just move there even quicker (I think one of the reasons they stayed, besides my siblings being in college, is because of me and knowing I’d be completely alone)… so it really wouldn’t be THAT different.

Just looking at the house rental prices made me a little excited. Nice sized houses with yards and the whole deal for less than what we pay here? I mean seriously? Could it be any better?!

I think Baboo likes the prospect as well…

But it’s all a mystery now.

We’ll see.

I’m praying that if I do get demoted, it’s only ONE step. I only have 2 demotions I can take before my ass is out on the street.

Sometimes I feel like 9 years would be enough time, but honestly… I’m not hopeful.

The city is looking at contracting out almost everything that they offer now. So that means a lot of city positions are going to be lost. They also want to talk about cutting wages (or more furlough time) and it’s just a mess all around.

 

i’m babbling because I don’t feel good.

did i mention I have an earache too?

It feels like an infection and I think that’s what I was dealing with before Baboo’s sick germs crawled all over me.

I can tell this weekend is gonna be a treat and a half. I’ll probably spend it wrapped up in my blankets hating life.

So, thanks for the encouraging notes on my writing! It makes me feel like it is actually worth it, and I don’t care if that’s "attention whore"ish of me. Don’t all writers and performers and the like want an a udience for their work? A person to tell their story to?

Blah.

So I’m thinking of doing a rotation of my stories. So many left undone. I need to finish Blue Blue Dress, which is about a third done. I have Identity (my vampire story), I have my "urban fantasy" story still bumbling around in my head and now my zombie story. I’m thinking of writing exsclusively on one per week and seeing how that goes. blah.

I wish I had a website or something to put them on.

I’m super glad that you like it, you really really like it.

I wish I could get paid to do THAT.

but god only knows how hard it is to break thru in the publishing world.

Like I say, maybe one day, when I’m old.

but probably when I’m dead.

ha ha.

I need my tea.