stupid raving bitchness

My body hurts.

I want to go home. (I leave in 15 minutes, this should make me happy, but it doesn’t)

Baboo and I were gonna go to the gym, but probably not. I just feel so crappy I don’t want to go.

I sorta just want to sleep.

Does it really matter?

I gotta go home and cook and crap. Just zero fun.

ZERO!!!!

Why am I writing this?

fuck if I know.

bah!

I want to bleed.

stupid to say right?

Last night Baboo was like "why are you upset? Don’t you want to be pregnant?"

SURE I DO IF A DAMN TEST WOULD SAY I AM.

but the tests say no.

and while I want to believe it’s all "false negative", a big part of my brain knows it’s not.

I’m not pregnant. I’d have a positive test if I was.

so that means my period is late for some other reason.

which means I might be sick in some other way.

which means I have to go to the damn doctor and I DON’T WANT TO.

which means that half of you will tell me to stop stressing and to go and all that and i’ll just get pissed off cuz I don’t want to hear it cuz I’m being defiant.

and please PLEASE please PLEASE PLEEEEEEASE don’t take offense to that and say "well i’m just not going to leaver HER anymore notes, especially not HONEST ONES cuz she’s a STUPD CRAZY BITCH!" or some fashion of that thought.

IT’S NOT THAT.

I just don’t want ot hear anything… unless your’e gonna commiserate with me and make me feel better. lol.

I’m in one of those moods and I really  need comfort and understanding and to know I’m not alone in going thru this rather than the alternative, even if it is needed.

and maybe i’m just a big raving bitch for even expressing that, but seriously… I CAN’T CALM DOWN right now when my body is being retarded.

I am not going crazy, i’m just confused and agitated. I want to know what’s happening.

And if it’s not pregnancy, what the fuck? And why do I have to go to a doctor now? I hate them. They always have bad news.

*sigh*

I’m getting a headache.

maybe my period is going to come.

Maybe it just wanted to be late.

maybe it’s sick of being reliable and normal and on time and nice to me.

maybe my period is the raving evil bitch whore.

but even as I think "hmm, maybe I’ll go pee and wipe blood!" I know I’ll go pee and see nothing and still be confused.

fuck it alllllllllllllllll

blah!

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September 15, 2009

FRONT PAGE! your period is probably just late. you know they are moody biotches and come as they please. it doesnt mean anything bad is going on in there.

no. it’s ok. ok? i’m not ever going to say that. i’m the same way. i really don’t know what to say……but i’m….well. here.

September 15, 2009

Umm. I just have one thing to say to you: You’re a stupid crazy bitch and I’m just not going to leave you any more notes. Especially not honest ones!!!!!!!

September 15, 2009

OK I got jokes!!! hehehe. :):):):):):)

September 15, 2009

Hope you feel better! I guess I should have added that. hehe. I’m being the crazy, obsessive note-leaver. I guess I should um, STOP doing that. hahaha!!! LOVESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

September 15, 2009

RYN: Yeah, Audra and I have been friends for years. I got to meet her back in…2000? 1999? Before we even knew we were both on OD, I think. Weird. She actually wrote that entry because of the status I added on my Facebook, stating that one of my kids didn’t know what a cricket was. I told her the story, and hence her entry. I should write one listing all the dumb $hit I’ve recorded over time…

September 15, 2009

Gosh do I remember those days

September 15, 2009

It’s understandable that you’re having difficulty with NOT freaking out right now honey! And, I won’t try to tell you to calm down. (Cause…I KNOW how FRUSTRATING it can feel when you’re concerned about something, and people “tell you that!” (It’s easy for THEM, to say something like that, when “Their Life, Is Alright, Right!) I know what it’s like, not being able to help worrying hun!

September 15, 2009

I hope it comes for you, really, really soon, and that, it’s not something more serious! You’re in my thoughts and prayers! HUGS

September 15, 2009

Random noter* I am cranky, sad, tired, moody, and evil this week! I have an IUD and don’t get many periods but I still get the PMS symptoms…I HATE it! I’d rather bleed!! I hope it hits soon so you feel better!

September 15, 2009

Maybe you are PMS’ing b/c you sound how I act sometimes when I do… all obsessive and stuff…

September 15, 2009

Heeey, it’s totally understandable – obviously I can’t personally relate, but even I can see that’s it’s normal to be in one of those moods sometimes. *big big hugs* I’m sorry you feel like shit. I wish I could bring you some chocolate ice cream and tuck you up in bed until it was all better. x

is it ok if i ask you some graphic sexual questions?

You know, orange popsicles rock the house.

September 15, 2009

I feel ya girl, doctors blow especially when they’re probing your va-jay-jay trying to find the damn problem. Why can’t our bodies just be normal and do what they’re supposed to?!

I wanted to leave an anonymous note, because I do not want to offend you… My solution: masturbate vigorously…perhaps it will stimulate your inner workings…

September 15, 2009

I hate doctors too booooooooo. I’d be going crazy as well. I’m going crazy with you actually cos I want you to know either way!!!!

September 15, 2009

ryn: thank you. uhm and here u are having a late period and here I am bleeding for a second time in a month, just day apart from my period, but thats cause i went off birth control… bleh. hope everything turns out ok.

September 15, 2009

sending support your way

September 16, 2009

Stop stressing and it will arrive…xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

September 16, 2009

well you sound all crappy feeling, horomonal, and pms like

September 16, 2009

Get a punching bag so you can punch the shit out of something wihtout breaking anything important. So when you get stressed and crazy and whatever else you have that to run too. I think I might need to buy myself one for when I get like that. I hate Red. Hope ya feel better soon.

September 16, 2009

I had to think about how i would note this and yet still Im giggling too. You have a way with words that I only have in my head. So Ill be “understanding and to know I’m not alone in going thru this rather than the alternative, even if it is needed”.