the new schedule of “fun”

I would definitely nix the beach…I don’t see why you can’t give him any presents. He doesn’t get a party, that should be the punishment. No beach…no free movie. What do you think?

I’m sorry sweetheart… I agree with the other note. No beach and movie, etc, but I think presents would be okay.

Try not to “feel like shit.” You shouldnt have to suffer. I know 1 time I had to teach my daughter a lesson (well, more than 1x) but the reward was icecream. She didnt do what I asked, but the boys did, so I bought them icecream and she got to sit & watch them eat it up…slurp slurp. It was very very hard, but I had to. You are doing the right thing. Get him a cupcake and put a candle in it.

*hugs* it’s a tough one.

maybe secretly buy him the presents – and when he starts to show improvement in his behavior, give them to him as a reward.. ??

oh.. and one thing I’ve learned is that usually when it’s the hardest route for you, it’s the right route… doing the right thing for our children is really, honestly, sometimes harder on us than them… cliche, but true.. 🙂 Stick to your guns.. it will get better..

Or you can try your best and just put this missed out birthday money toward a Christmas fund. OR, once he has calmed down you can explain to him that he can still get his birthday presents, he just has to work toward being good to get them. And every time he does a REALLY good deed, on his own mostly, surprise him with one of his gifts. That way he’ll be working toward progress.

I don’t know what your son did (maybe you said and I missed it), but it made me think of my friend Archelle. Her son did something horrible (I don’t recall what it was) and she told him if he did it again, there would be NO Christmas presents under the tree. Well… he called her on her bluff. On Christmas morning all the family came down and there were presents under the tree, but NOTHING for her son… just a note from ‘Santa’. The boy sob, begged, pleaded and Archelle told me it was the hardest thing she had ever done… but she had no point. Her boy was heading down a path that she had to stop. Fast forward 10 years later, he’s the model child… not damaged, not traumatized… but he sure remembers the lesson. The moral, I guess would be that sometimes as parents we have to do hard things, terribly hard things, to save our children from themselves.

Yes, he did bad, but he shouldn’t have to Completely miss out on it all! Just tell him that, there are now, going to be some restrictions to things he can do for his birthday, because he’d decided to wrongfully behave the way he did! I’d say, pick the thing that, you think he would have enjoyed doing the most for his birthday, and limit that, and other activities or something, but, don’t

completely take it away from him!

Actually, Better one! So no one has to suffer miserably, since the party was planned, and is supposed to take place, then since y’all looked forward to that, then…why not just go ahead with the party, and the activities, and give him his presents, and cake, and whatever, BUT, tell him that he’s not permitted to play with any of his presents, until he complete’s his punishment, for his bad

behavior, and doing wrong!

Totally agree with Tinker. The parenting moves that make you feel the worst or that are the most inconvenient – but you do them anyway – are the moves that mean the most to the kid’s development or wellbeing. Being a good parent is hard. The easy and convenient thing would be to just go along with everything as planned. But you know that would NOT be good for J1 in the long run, so you madethe tougher choice. That’s good parenting, my dear. Seriously. You’re raising two BOYS by yourself, and you’ve just taken on another BOY as your dependent…you’re doing an incredibly GOOD JOB of balancing everything and keeping everyone safe and cared for. BOYS, woman. BOYS! Crazy, ridiculous, messy, rough, BOYS!

You’re doing the right thing darling honestly, that’s why you feel so crappy for having to do it. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I agree with a lot of the other noters. It’s rough situation but it’s the best thing, it’s the right thing. I once told my daughter not to spend her money right before christmas, to wait until after UNLESS she was buying gifts for other people. A week before christmas she bought herself a cd she had been wanting very badly. I had to make her give it away as a gift. I think she was 10 at the time.

this sucks…but you do have to stick to your guns on this and good for you for doing it. It’s soooooooo easy to want to give a pass, especially under these circumstances with his birthday and everything. Good for you…I’m sorry..it sucks.

wow that really sucks!!!!!!! i’d say he has to really earn any type of anything if you were ‘postponing’ it. did he already get the PS2? maybe you can tell him he can earn that gift by being good but it’s not fully his until.. etc…. good luck my dear

Good parents discipline their children, and you’re a great mom. Maybe not do the big extravagant things like beach, movie, shopping, eating out, but still have a cake at home and a present?

I was thinking about it last night. You know what would be a good punishment? Let him go on his shopping spree, let him pick out his toys, then…ground him from them for a week. So he KNOWS they’re there and he knows he got gifts, but he can’t touch them because he broke the rules. No beach, no party. I think that would work. Then, you can still get him something for his birthday. 🙂

I’m not a parent so I’m not in a position to give any advice. I can empathize with you though on how difficult this must be. It’s very easy to give into a child when they sulk and cry. I would imagine if he already has anger problems this is going to temporarily make it worse and he might think you “hate” him-but he’ll get it. I cannot imagine how you do it. I admire you

Man.. this all just sucks. Especially having to punish the rest of the house because of 1. You took away all the fun on his birthday with good reason, but maybe it’s ok to get him just 1 gift. Maybe that won’t hurt.

It’s the right thing. And even though it sucks, it makes you a good parent to do the right thing. It’s hard but look to the future. I’m proud of you and very impressed.

You are doing the right thing. He has to know that he cant keep acting like that and there will be a price to pay. I know it sucks, but stay strong. You are doing the right thing and one day he will see that too.