Chaosbride

May 11, 2009

I need therapy

Figures that today my spicy chicken bowl would taste like crap.

Figures that I’d go into the bathroom and it would look like someones TEETH are in the sink… it’s either two teeth or weird rocks… or maybe a nut of some kind. but I’m going for teeth. it was gross.

It would figure that I have aquired a weird cough that only shows up when I’m in the elevator or the lunchroom or some other place where people look at you like you have the swine flu or some other SUPER VIRUS and you’re going to kill them all! (if only)

It would figure that I’m all moody and terrible when I have no reason to be. I feel like an out of control she-devil and I want to pound people and things and run away to a place where nobody can see me or hurt me or care if I’m here or there or whatever.

God this is retarded.

It would also figure that there are dozens and dozens of rosy fat round pregnant chicks waddling all over the place. I know this is baby season and more babies will be born in the next few months than any other time of the year… and of course I’d feel so doomed and like I’m gonna have to dump this man that I care for just so I can get my egg fertilized.

but i wouldn’t do it for that, because I’m not with him because he can give me a baby.

he won’t give me one, is the crux.

wanna know what?

I’m totally discouraged about all this research I have to do to find that fucker and get this divorce. It’s not FAIR. It’s not like I have oodles of time just slopping through my fingers to sit on hold with the DMV and have the call dropped three times (happened today) trying to figure out if I can get information about his drivers license and if he even HAS ONE.

It’s just… making me so upset.

EVERYTHING IS MAKING ME UPSET.

I’m trying to equalize and calm down.

but I’m crying every three seconds.

DON’T LOOK AT ME!!!!

I’m hiding and shaking and losing it.

I’m smiling for the people around me.

Except for when I went to get lunch and the random man standing outside of my building said something I couldn’t hear. I thought I had dropped some money cuz he was pointing at the ground… I looked up and said "Huh?" and he said "You dropped your smile!"

bah! (of course I dropped it and I hope it gets stepped on and ruined because it’s STUPID)

so i had to fake smile and he was all "there ya go!" and I wanted to just spew green vomit into his face and laugh like the exorcist and run away away away away away awya asyasyaysdyafosuifda;jfkla;jdf;woaeruioapcvma;lcvnk;dfja;wlkdfjk

*blink*

manic much?

oh go get some therapy.

sedate me first.

pass the ice cream.

and the alcohol.

and the nap.

You were married to the guy. I assume you have his SSN, right? Go to google.com, look up white pages, click on a link. Search his name. When you do the search, at the bottom of the screen will be ads for several P.I. agencies that have personal records on him they’ll be glad to sell you for about $3.

sepiasmile

May 12, 2009

I think you have to think about whether the baby issue is a make or break one, and if it is, you ought to tell Baboo. It’s harsh, but if you feel that you really want more children in your future, then there’s very little point staying with someone who will never allow that to be a possibility. I know that’s easier said than done, and I know it’s his children you want, but you can’t stay

sepiasmile

May 12, 2009

in a relationship that will only ever leave you half-happy. Although, having said that, perhaps the stress of the divorce is making everything seem a lot worse than it is. xx

Enthusiast

May 12, 2009

I have these days too. You maybe need chocolate. 😛

I hate spring just for that reason. All the pregnant bellies and theres my baby apartment…..empty. Grrr.

…Ugh. Uh. Good luck?

Butterfly Girl

May 12, 2009

You should be able to access some DMW information online through their website. You may have to pay a fee. There is also public data.com. There is also a charge for that but you can look up info on anyone. It will give their last known address which would be on their license, if they’ve been arrested, etc.

pbrman

May 12, 2009

“You dropped your smile?” Yea I would have kicked his ass. On the plus side I get to take tomorrow off of work so I can go get my divorce. It sucks that you have to do so much work to get yours, tell you what, I’ll pick up an extra one for you while I’m there.

mrsckugs

May 12, 2009

i hate people like that. I dont going around smiling! Leave me alone!

~Kateyes~

May 12, 2009

I am totally with sepiasmile. A baby is a big thing, and if you want another child and he doesn’t, it’s a deal breaker. You’ll probably always want one, and it’s not fair to either of you if you don’t have one. As for having to do all of this work for the divorce, it’s freaking retarded. You shouldn’t be required to do all of this when he is the one who’s disappeared. I’m so sorry 🙁

Beautiful406

May 12, 2009

I have a bottle of Grey Goose. Want to come have some with me??

Butterfly Girl

May 12, 2009

Ok-I did a little research for you. This is from ca.gov dmv- “Confidential home addresses will only be released when the department determines the release is necessary to complete a DMV transaction. Other requests for any confidential information must include a state or federal statute that authorizes or requires the department to release such information.” Hope this helps a little. =)

Butterfly Girl

May 12, 2009

Ok I take it back-It looks like you CAN request it but it requires another form be filled out and costs anywhere from $5-$20 depending on what you want them to send you. Go HERE for more information. http://www.dmv.ca.gov/forms/inf/inf70.htm

Without Wings

May 12, 2009

my experience is alcohol and ice cream do not make a good combo. it’s ok to have a day like this. there are times where i want to rip people’s faces off and shove it up their ass. i must admit though the whole “you dropped your smile” would have melted my heart and turned my day around. that was very sweet

I love you. I think that’s the first thing you need to know. Secondly, have I told you I loved you lately? I wish I could have sang that to the tune of “What have you done for me lately.” But it just doesn’t fit, and I wasn’t going to call your cell phone several times today (because you’re not home and can’t answer)and try to make it work. I would sound ridiculous, but it would probably make you smile a gajillions, and in the end that is all that matters. So, we’ve established that I love you. Why do I love you so? Because you are beautiful, strong, brave, intelligent, funny, adorable, awesome, and most importantly, because you are you. I wouldn’t want you any other way. No, really. You always tell me, to worry about myself, and to not let the craziness eat away at my soul. Follow your own strong advice. Do not let this eat up at you. You are too good for this. *hugs you* I’ve gone creepy on you, and gushed too much. It’s going to be alright. because. you are not alone. *sings to Micheal*

W. Slinger

May 12, 2009

Yeah, I get all this. Sucks, huh?

~Kateyes~

May 12, 2009

ryn: you are NOT stupid!!!!!!!!! It is not stupid to want another baby. I wanted one SO bad and I didn’t think it was going to happen. Then it was a total shock and surprise when it did. Don’t ever feel stupid for the way you feel! I just want you to have a baby, I think you need to think really hard about what you want. And if this is what you do want, then Baboo is not the one for you

M.C.

May 12, 2009

Honey…”Takes a big sigh…” First of all, ya know I love ya to death, that’s why I’m saying this! I can understand that you want his baby, and that’s all fine and dandy, but…You Have To Look At The Way He’s Treating You! It seems to me, that, a person that you’re with…A “Healthy Person That You’re With,” wouldn’t make you feel like you have to hide your feelings, and ignore them, just so

M.C.

May 12, 2009

not to upset him! Because, despite whatever good feelings, you might have, when you’re with him…I DO have to admit, that…’You seem to be the one, whose doing most of, if not ALL the doting of Praise and Adoration ON HIM! He’s disrespecting your feelings, and not giving a damn about them, if he can Honestly, “FLAUNT” other girls in your face like that, and then, basically tell you to, “Deal

M.C.

May 12, 2009

With It!” That’s not right! And, if a man were to say that to me, and treat ME that way…I’d slap the living SHIT out of him! Because…He’s Cutting You Down, With DISRESPECT There! Whether you want to acknowledge it, or not! You Have To RESPECT Yourself, And Not Let Him Away With It Honey! Because…I can notice, that…whenever he goes and pulls bullshit like that, then, rather then speaking it

M.C.

May 12, 2009

out directly with him, although there’s nothing wrong with it, you come here and vent it instead! You’re weary and cautious about showing your feelings around him! And, if you Honestly, felt that your feelings mattered to him, At All, then you wouldn’t be labeling them as Stupid! Yes, I know you want his child, but…Honestly…do you want your child to grow up with him modling this

M.C.

May 12, 2009

disrespectful behavior towards you, to them??!! Come On, Moniquey, I Know You’ve Got Better Then That In Ya! Give this some serious thought, cause, he needs to fix this issue of his, before any baby can be brought healthily into this world, by both of you!