Find joy in (stabbing) the small things!

ugh… just UGH.

so I AM going to have to go pick up my kids today. Thanks S-mom for telling me you’d bring them to me so I thought I wouldn’t have to get as much gas.

Whatever.

I guess she won’t be seeing any babysitting money until the weekend AFTER my birthday. YOU LIKE THAT MOMMA!!!!???!!!!

BLAH.

I have to pay my car insurance…. I’ll pay it next week after payday. I keep forgetting I get paid next week and I start freaking out.

I sorta wish my rent check was already cashed. I’m always scared of it not going thru.

right now I’m digging into my state refund.

ugh.

so i know, after this month when my boys are back at school for may and june all savings must be SAVED. Not only for their childcare costs in July and August, but also for this damn divorce. I still don’t know how to finish the "service" part of it. Like honestly… I just want to get in front of a judge. I guess next week I’ll have to force myself into the self help center and ask them. I didn’t go last week, but I’ll do it this next week. Hopefully it won’t take too long and I’ll be able to get some answers. 

*le sigh*

I am really praying my car holds up until July.

In July I should have a little extra fundage to get the brakes completely done.

Please car, just pleeeease be nice until then.

i’ll fucking break in half if it starts breaking down right now.

ugh.

I cannot get out of this sludge today!

It really sucks.

I was gonna go ahead and get the roasted chicken dinner tonight after I picked up my kids, but now… I think I’m gonna get them Mcdonalds. I can just have a salad.

oh whee.

i hate smelling french fries and not being able to have them.

not that it matters since my body just LIKES to be huge and won’t lose weight no matter what I do to it… besides starve it.

it’s tempting, but I won’t go there. 

I was distracting myself with research on Vegas and all the fun stuff I want to do there. I think I might have my Birthday Dinner at Planet Hollywood. I wanted to have a fancy expensive dinner, but thinking about it, I’d rather have more money to gamble and do other stuff and eat randomly than blow a giant chunk on one meal.

I’m sorta pissed because the Hilton is having a deal right now for booking rooms within the time period I’ve already booked them. Bullkrappity! I should get that discount damn it! I hate being penalized for planning ahead. It’s lame.

I guess if I had used travelocity, they’d be sending me a check.

but i didn’t.

oh well.

i’m sorta stressed about not having a major credit card to check into the hotel with. I just read about it. fuck me twice with a barbed pole, really. i have a debit card. My credit cards are all inactive and  cancelled.

whatever. I can’t even get a new one cuz my credit is so fucked.

god i just want to stab small woodland creatures.

15 minutes till lunch.

then after lunch, countdown will only be 2.5 hours instead of 3.5 hours.

i’m trying to find joy in the small things.

but damn, i just can’t.

i want to cry.

and eat a gallon of chocolate ice cream.

*sigh*