The gym made me cry!!!

Ok, so since I sucked at updating for the last 4 days, I shall now rewind alll the way back to last week Thursday… the day I was going to the gym. I wrote about my social anxiety about it all and how tense I was and how much Baboo didn’t understand me.

Well…  the experience was a very interesting one.

So first I took Baboo to get his hair cut. Whenever he gets it done, it’s like he gets this boost in his ego and he starts strutting around like a peacock. It’s cute, but also disconcerting, because girls respond to the strut! You know we do!

So when we got to the gym I was hoping he’d stick close to me and at least be a bit of a security for me…

but nope. He just strutted into the gym with his card and didn’t even look back to see if I was ok.

I don’t think he knew what effect this would have on me. I wasn’t sure if my card would work because I had tried to register online and my number wasn’t working. So I had to ask and they just told me to try it and it worked just fine.

Strike one: IDIOT!

As soon as I passed through the turnstyle my nerves started to buzz. I couldn’t find baboo and I had no idea where I was going. I asked where the lockers were and someone pointed in a general direction. I couldn’t find Baboo and my "I hate you alllll!!!" rage face was on!!!

A big giant buff trainer guy asked me if I was ok. I said I was. And he said I sounded mad. I said I was mad… at HIM!!!

At that point I had spotted Baboo lurking by the little store they have inside. I wanted to punch his face.

He wouldn’t walk near me and just sped away to his locker room.

Later he told me that he was treating me like a baby bird… jsut shoving me out of the nest.

But I was just NOT READY. I felt abandoned.

Strike two: Baby!!!!

I found the locker room… after passing it three times. This just accelerated my feeling of awkward displacement. I went inside and ran for a bathroom stall.

I proceeded to lean my head against the door and sob.

yes friends, the gym made me cry.

Striiiike 3: Loser!!!!! Go home and cry!!!!

I was there for at least 10 minutes listening to people go in and out and talk and laugh and feeling worse and worse and more like a loser.

I sobbed and sobbed, trying to be quiet. The last thing I needed was for someone to hear me and get concerned. 

I’d have tried to drown myself in the damn toilet if that had happened.

anyway, I finally talked myself into at least changing into my work out clothes. I was hoping Baboo would be waiting for me outside of the locker rooms. I couldn’t leave him there forever…

So I changed and went out to the lockers. I was hoping to get a paid locker for the day and then worry about buying a lock later. I looked in the mirror and I looked crazy with red eyes and shit.

Oh well.

so I go to the lockers and I see that they take tokens, not quarters.

Ummm, ok, so I go to find the token machine… and it only takes DOLLAR BILLS. I only had quarters. Fuck.

Great, so I’m basically screwed. What the hell.

Bah!

So I’m wondering around this locker room with chicks changing and shit and i notice that they are noticing me wander around aimlessly and are probably thinking "What the fuck is her problem, I hope she doesn’t look at me too long!" and this freaks me out MORE.

So I think I’m just gonna carry my bag with me for the day, no big deal…

I was hoping to see Baboo as soon as I walked out.

He was NOWHERE.

I looked up stairs and all around… I couldn’t find him.

that’s when the panic attack hit.

I started to hyperventilate and I could barely see straight. 

I felt like I was going to pass out.

So I left.

I ran up to my car (it was on the fourth level of a parkin structure!) and tried to calm down. I was panicking like crazy and tears were flying from my eyes like they were pressurized.

It was just TOO MUCH.

I was deciding to just sit in my car until Baboo was done when he called me and was like "Where are you? Get in here!!!"

*sigh*

So I left my stuff in the car and went back.

Once again, I couldn’t find him.

I sucked it up and thought I’d try the stair machine thingies. They sorta look like elipticals without the arm bar thingies… whatever.

So I go to it and press power… the little tv that is attached turns on, but that’s it.

I’m pressing buttons all over this thing…and nothing happens. Nothing is lighting up, it won’t give me any instructions.

So guess what I did.

I CRIED AGAIN.

yep.

Ran to the bathroom, cried for five minutes like a damn idiot and talked myself into going to find a staff person to show me how it works.

Well I couldn’t find ONE PERSON on the floor. Usually they are milling around puffing their chests out, but I could find no one.

So I went to the front desk with my puffy red eyes and asked.

and stood there for about 10 minutes after she paged three times and NOBODY CAME.

I wanted to just die.

And suddenly there is Baboo with this dumb look on his face like "what is WRONG WITH YOU"… bah!!!! YOU LEFT ME ALL ALONE! THAT’S WHAT’S WRONG!!!

He offers to help me use the machine and I left before a personal trainer could take it upon himself or herself to come help me.

WHAT. EVER.

So we go over to the machines and Baboo is like, get on and start walking.

Oh… walk?

And sure enough BLINK BLING BLING! the machine lights up and starts prompting for instructions and crap.

Awesome, I must have looked like a giant TARD before that. I know I did. People kept glancing at me and I just know they were like "is she stupid? Just move and it turns it!"

whatever.

So we got it to work and Baboo got on the machine next to me and I did 15 minutes. Which killed me cuz it kept changing resistance levels and crap.  So I felt all stupid weak and got off and drank some water and I just wanted to go. Baboo did some free weights and then we left.

I was expecting him to berate me for being so stupid….

but he didn’t. He told me that he was proud of me and that the more I did it, the better it would get. He was actually really sweet and comforting when I felt like stabbing myself in the face. I wasn’t expecting it, so I was REALLY RELIEVED!!!!

After that we went and got some dinner (salads whee) and went back to his place. We watched the Hellevator movie… well I did. It was subtitled and he was too tired to watch. It was very strange… but good in some parts.

and then we slept.

I was mentally fried and exhausted.

I think, after figuring out how the equipment works, I’ll be ok.

but I felt so horrible crying so much over it.

I’m such a big baby…