Do you wanna know what sucks?

Here is what sucks, when you’re running around cleaning and working your ass off feeling like you look crazy and ugly and insane and your sweaty and dirty and so you go into your room and your boyfriend is watching stupid Attack of the Show and making "oh man… oh man… damn…" comments about a fucking Olivia Munz montage of her shaking her butt around and wearing little bitty pieces of clothes and showing off her cleavage and all the rest (and yeah, i’ll admit that she is the hottness, I mean, she is, but really that’s not the point!) and you just want to take his dumb face and slam it into your knee, but you can’t really say or do anything cuz it makes you crazy and you just want to glare at him until a hole forms in his forehead because he went to a fucking STRIP CLUB on christmas and the only reason he didn’t get a lap dance and he won’t be going back for a while is because he DOESN’T HAVE ANY MONEY.

and all it does is make you feel fat and ugly and horrible and like you’re just a big moron for putting up with it.

But then your heart goes *balump bump* and you just sorta love his stupid dumb ass and you wonder if he’s taking advantage of you. Because he wouldn’t really like  it if you did the things he does, even if he says it’s ok if you go to a male strip club…. but no private parties please.

and really it’s just annoying and I want to scream at him, but I can’t. Because it would make me seem crazy.

And honestly, I’m not even MAD! It’s something else, like aggravation that he’s so dumb.

I mean really, I’m a good goddamned catch. And yeah I can lose a few pounds and probably be a little less crazy and take care of myself and things a little better, but I’M AWESOME.

and i hate feeling like I don’t compare.

Of course I don’t.

I’m just a normal average girl.

and I’m good enough to be the "steady" cuz I’m most excellent "steady" material. I obey, I adore, I serve, I coddle, I commit, I’m trustworthy, I’m dependable, I’m constant, I’m understanding… ya know… all those things that a woman has to be to put up with a dumb man for extended periods of time without ripping his dick off and making him eat it.

But sometimes… it sucks to not be a pretty gorgeous wonderous girl.

I wonder if it’s better on the other side. To not really be a "steady" to just be jaw dropping. Always wearing cute clothes and showing off my firm toned abs with a cute little butt that fits those pants so well and great hair and make up and a dazzling smile.

I feel so stupid. that I care. that i want to be. That I’m not.

OH well… get over it.

And so I am.

I’m also having ice cream for dinner.

How will this help me lose weight?

Well, I essentially burned at LEAST 1000 calories playing DDR that last few days, so I know I’ve dropped at least half a pound from it. If not more. I feel thinner ha ha… i do! Also, I haven’t eaten that much today, and with the amount of housework I Just did, it is the equivalent of at least 30 minutes of cardio.

So yeah, I deserve a stupid little 99 cent McDonalds sundae.

And so I shall have it.

And then I shall look at my boyfriend of 9 months and sigh. I love him. And he’s an idiot.

Love is a stupid thing.

But here I am.