I must exercise restraint

It’s taking all of my willpower to not stop at Target on the way home and pick up a couple boxes of "Starry Night" (it’s a bluish black dye) and get my hair done this weekend. I KNOW I have to wait. I may really need that 30 bucks between now and next Wednesday. I have to be patient and just chill! But OH LORD I seriously want to get it over with. I will wait though. It’ll be better to wait. Then I can dye it on Friday when my kids are at school and it won’t be rushed.

Just chill Monique, chill.

I really want to put braids in my hair, but Baboo doesn’t like them. I try to pay attention to the things he does like because when I asked him about my hair, he said he didn’t care what I did to it. but he does. Because he doesn’t like the braids, he told me before. ha ha.

Anyway, yahoodiddlydoo! It’s Friday! Whee! I’m so happy. I’m so ready for this week to be over.

so i’m sorta crazy still. Last night I stayed up until 11 watching random stuff. I had turned off my computer (I had a dream I got some crazy virus from this porn site i’ve been visiting. I just now realized that I thought it was real… ha ha! I need to update my anti virus, but I don’t have the money right now. blah) so I couldnt’ watch any porn. ha ha. but then Skinimax had some boring soft stuff on and so I watched that and couldn’t help and had a 4.5 O and went to sleep. ha ha. I really need a good 10. The next few weeks needs to HURRY UP.

That’s all I’m sayin…

I’m still in a holding pattern with a lot of things here at work. I’m going to continue my pointless work that I was doing yesterday. Data bases and spreadsheets of things that only I will use. It’s gonna make me super focused and organized though. It’s gonna suck updating all this crap. ha.

I will attempt to work on my story. I want to get 25k words done today. I doubt it’ll happen, but I want it to! I sorta also, in a weird way, want to re plot out  my sims so I can go home an dhave a gameplan to play. It’s sorta goofy to do that, but I want to. We’ll see. I even have a little motivation to try and rebuild my pretty house… or at least build something and decorate it all cute.

blah blah, hi, i’m a boring troll. I weighed myself this morning and was really disappointed. I DIDN’T LOSE ANYTHING. I even regained the pound that i thought I lost. It’s annoying. What the hell. *sigh*

I stayed within my calorie guidelines. I worked out.

does it even matter? (btw, thanks to all who have given me some weightloss tips and info. i appreciate it! I’m trying but my body just likes being this size. stupid dumb body.

I don’t know. It just sucks. I feel like my body might be… re-shaping… like my abs tightening up again … but whatever.

I might lose the bet. *sad*

It won’t be because I’m not trying. but maybe 10 pounds is too much to ask. Maybe it should have just been 2 pounds. At this rate, I’ll be happy if I lose two… or maybe three… *sigh*

It’s so HARD to not go right to what I know. Which is not eating. I just want to go there because the results HAPPEN and I feel like I’m making progress. But then I smell a cookie and gain 5 pounds, but the initial "yay I lost weight" feeling is SO GOOD.

Blah.

I know I can’t do that. I have to stay on my stupid little diet path and just behave.

It’s just frustrating. Really frustrating.

I guess I should get to work and see if there might be anything that is super important that I can just get out of the way. Then I can slack off and read favs! whee!