Have a sprinkle of LOVE

 

 

 

 

I’m so mad.

Yesterday one of Jonathon’s neighborhood friends had a birthday and he brought over this HUGE plate of grilled carne asada. So damn good. I love that stuff. I wish I could make it cuz it’s just SO GOOD. ack!

So he didn’t want to share any, but I made him. So I had a nice piece of that and my left over steak in a little baggy for lunch sitting on the counter this morning.

And that’s where it is now. Sitting there. going bad. I’m very sad about this. I really wanted it. BOO! So now I have to spend money I don’t want to so i can eat. I’d be happy NOT eating, but the thing with that is, if I don’t, I’ll go home tonight and eat EVERYTHING I SEE. Not a good look.

Nope, so lunch I must have. Someone in my section won a raffle last week and got over 600 bucks. She claimed to want to get lunch for everyone today. But I haven’t heard anything and I sure as hell am not going to ask. That was her money! she should spend it on herself! I know I would! ha ha.

So blah. I’ll probably end up having subway and liking it. I could really go for a cheeseburger. But that’s probably what we’ll have on Jacobs birthday on Thursday.

I hate when my phone rings, I always think it’s "him"… and it’s not.

He has stopped calling me as much. He’s being more productive at work and just trying to focus. I encourage this. But I miss his voice throughout the day. I’m such a sap for this boy.

Seriously. He’s got me on lock and he knows it.

Horrible. horrible.

Why am i such a fool? tool?

This morning I had all of these deep thoughts on the train. I was pondering the fragile condition of life. How I’m on the train underground and if there was an earthquake, that would probably be IT for me. I mean, I’d be cut off from all communication really because there is no signal there. If anything caved in? Who knows. It makes me want to carry more provisions (like water and crackers) in my purse, just in case. You never know!

But it also brought home my need to really grab my life and live it. To not let things slide until the next time I can do it or say it. So I wanted to tell him a lot of things this morning, but I ended up telling him just that I appreciated him.

That was like the last thing on my list to say to him.

Some things I want to say to people:

I want to call my daddy and tell him that I love him. And my entire family actually. I love them all, even my silly siblings.

I need to go see my grandmother and tell her before she passes away.

I want to make sure I hug and kiss my kids every day before I drop them off. I usually do this. but a few times I’ve been angry, and that would be a horrible way to say goodbye… forever… *shiver*

But what is a horrible thing is that… I still have no desire to reconcile with my bio mom. I wish I could talk to her side of the family, but only my cousin is talking to me.

Whatever.

I don’t care what happens. As I’ve said before, she already died. I’ve already mourned. It’s over.

I don’t know.

I do, however, miss those two sisters and that brother I left behind. My crazy brother? Not so much. I sort of miss his son, but I’m sure he’s gonna be groomed to be as much of a loser as his dad is.

So I dunno. It’s weird to feel that so … strongly. But there it is.

As for "him"… I wanted to tell him that I am so thankful for him. And that I love him. and if I were to die right now, I’d be perfectly fine because I finally got to meet him. Someone I thought I’d never meet.

and who is that?

Oh… it’s just him. One of the most special amazingly wonderful people in all the world.

And that’s enough mush out of me, thank you very much!

It’s a little after 11 and I’m starving. I really want something hot for lunch. Thinking of a sandwich makes me frown. blah! Oh well, I should just be happy I can even think of having anything.

I should go tend to some more work. I’m also working my way down my favorites list.

heh.

So to all of you… I’M THANKFUL FOR YOU TOO.

And quite a few of you are love love loved. I think I’ll try to tell a big bunch of you that.

I should do it today.

Because tomorrow is not guaranteed. I could be hit by a falling asteroid the second I walk outside today.

But I’m gonna have a little faith in tomorrow.

On which I will spread the love!

But for now, this widespread sprinkle will have to do.

ha ha. that makes me laugh.

a sprinkle of love.

mmm tasty.

Now, if I could get a hug from "him" i’d be complete.

Wanna know a secret? I almost wish to not find parking so that I can drive in to work and possibly get a chance to drive by hug him. Ha ha… lame right? *sigh*

he’s so my favorite favorite.

anyway, ENOUGH RIGHT?! argh, i’m annoying myself with this crap. it’s not that serious. jeesh!

blah!

to work with me and myself!

oh and i played my vampire game last night. fun times. fun times.